Undivided Heart
Preacher: Ptr. Ru dela Torre

When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

- Acts 4:13

When we have nothing to brag, God's glory becomes more evident. So if you feel like you have nothing left, don't get discouraged. You are actually glorifying God by acknowledging His power in your life. You may be unschooled, untrained, an ordinary one, but remember that God loves to use people like you. You are God's masterpiece. Keep that in mind.

Stay humble and give all the glory to God =)

Got three sweetest birthday presents from three unexpected people:

One from a passenger who overheard about it. He handed me a copy of The Corps Magazine, in which he is part of it, just before he disembarked.

One from my co-crew who surprised me just before take off. She said she remembered my birthday before she left home that day. Kaya pala muntik ng ma-late.

And the other box from our Captain who just regretfully bought it from our inflight sales (said he could have given me a cake).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON BOARD!!! Yihee =)

K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪

He's funny :)

I thank God the most for the painful trials I had experienced. Because when I think about them now, I no longer remember the pain, but how God embraced me through those moments; how He comforted with His loving presence; and how He turned my sadness into joy. Who wouldn't be thankful for that? Indeed, James was right when he reminded us to always praise God even in painful moments and to consider trials as pure joy (1:2). =)

So I made a twitter account just to qualify for the online raffle contest, hoping to win free Belle de Jour Power Planner 2012! Haha. Didn't realize I was this desperate. :D I so want to have this planner!

ACCEPTANCE

I realize that things get a lot better the moment you ask God to help you ACCEPT the situation, instead of begging Him to CHANGE it. =)

Though I'll most probably be celebrating my birthday slash noche buena away from home, I still feel blessed. It would be my first time to celebrate holidays above the clouds. Hm what about that kind of optimism? Not everyone gets that privilege. ;) plus, I'll be celebrating Christmas and New Year on board. It's one of the perfect time to sell in flight sales as all passengers amazingly become generous.

It's tough to be away from your loved ones though. But it's part of growing up =) yah. I'm a grown up now ;)

Another reason why I suddenly felt upset when I saw my roster for December was that I can't attend Saturday and Sunday Celebration at His Life City Church in my province anymore. The church I love and the happiest place I consider here on earth (next to Disney Land).

So that would mean I'll be a regular attendee at Victory Ortigas. But I realize it doesn't matter which church I'll go. It's the same God that we worship. In as much as I feel God's presence at HLCC, it's the same way at Victory.

Good morning! =)

Let me not see your pain again. Never again.
Because I won't think twice in rescuing you.
Tralalalalala

Sweet Song

Greatest Story Ever Told
By Oliver James





Tonight, I fell in love with Oliver James. What a sweet serenade ♥

Pag ba new haircut, brokenhearted agad? Di ba pwedeng nagsweldo lang muna? :D

I just kissed my long blonde hair goodbye not so long this afternoon :) I've been wanting this short haircut. As a 2p cabin crew, we are required to have our long hair in ponytail and BRAIDED. Imagine, you wake up early, dry your hair, then perfect that historical braid. And you better hurry 'cause you don't wanna end up running with your trolley through the airport. It's cute, yes. But doing it almost everyday? Nah. That hassle of fixing your hair especially during early morning flights, oh, I'm so done with that. And that gives me additional thirty minutes to polish my makeup :)

Facing Giants

Right before her eyes were them – together. It was like she was caught in a situation where escape is not an option. It was her first time to see them together and she saw how he looked at the girl intently. This was her greatest fear. She knows she couldn’t control her emotions. It happened a lot of times whenever she sees him walking passed her, making her feel a complete stranger. So of course, she didn’t want to be in yet another worse scenario where she couldn’t keep the tears from falling, where everybody sees and pities her. And so seeing them together would mean a deeper cut. But praise God He answered her plea – not to let that happen unless she is prepared. And it was far from what she imagined would be like...

As she gracefully walked passed by them, she was wearing her sweetest smile and everybody’s waving her hi and hellos. She wanted to stay at the moment and appreciate the people who were greeting her, but she didn’t want to make an awkward scene. She moved on and slowly walked while absorbing what she just saw. It was them! In a beautiful Sunday afternoon, she unexpectedly saw the guy she dearly loves, and the girl whom his heart belongs. What could be more upsetting than that? But no, she was wrong. Because she still found her self smiling after that. The pain and tears she was expecting didn't happen, and it never did since.

God allowed that to happen when He knows she can handle it. Honestly, she felt her heart beating ten times faster than normal. But nonetheless, she was able to face her giants. Well, God made her able. It was the perfect time to face her fear. She didn’t know she was prepared for that until it happened. It was easier than what she thought it was gonna be. She chose to be happy and ignore the giants. Praise God! =)

I guess trusting God will always make things easier :)

At that time your mouth will be opened; you will speak with him and will no longer be silent. So you will be a sign to them, and they will know that I am the LORD.”

Ezekiel 27:24

My Strength & Weakness

What's so good about having a not-so-good memory is that I easily forget painful experiences in life, and consequently forgive the offender. I remember the person but not the offense. I remember that we had a misunderstanding, but not the details. I remember that we fought over something, but not the reason. I remember that someone had hurt me before, but not as bad as it really was. I remember the name, but not the rumors about him or her. See? I live a life of no regrets, no hatred, no bitterness, no hard feelings toward another. Like when I accidentally met someone from the past, he was like shaking in fear that I may slap his face, but he was puzzled when I gave him a 'high five' instead. And he gave me a look that says, "I'm sorry". Without that expression, I wouldn't remember what he did to me or how bad he hurt me then.

Another story was when I was sitting right beside my 'ex', and people began teasing us. If they hadn't done that, I wouldn't remember that he was my 'ex'. LOL. Seriously. I know, of course, that he has been a good friend, but I almost forgot that we had a bad breakup. That was funny actually. Well, I consider this as my strength.

But that isn't always an advantage. I've had plenty of good memories in my childhood and school life, but it's awful how I can't retain those events in my mind. And I feel sorry each time an old friend would come to me and would gladly tell me funny stories we've shared when we were young, and I was just staring blankly because I couldn't remember what he's/she's saying. That's distressing. Also I easily forget names and faces of people who had been recently introduced to me. And this is my weakness.

vanish without a trace







The other day he was here
Next day he's gone for real

reconciled

Finally. . . After eight long months, **** and I are back to being friends. Though we did not patch things up from what had happened before, we know that we don’t have to. No apology was needed, just an effortless hi-hello greeting. That would do.

We may not be as close as before, but things are better now. I couldn’t ask for anything more than that. I’m happy with what I have right now. And I can see that he’s doing good =)

I remember how I cried to God about this reconciliation. I can’t just throw a friendship like that (I wonder how other people deal with that). God just answered me. Hmmmmm. Isa nalang. I pray that, in no time, ****** and I can have that effortless hi-hello greeting, too. I’ll be soooooo at peace then =)

a beautiful dream

This morning, I woke up smiling. I could not remember what was my dream. All I know it was a beautiful, a very beautiful one. I tried to recall what or who was in my dream, but I just couldn't. As the day passed, I suddenly had a flashback of my dream. It was him. I saw him smiling right in front of me. I was laughing as he was doing funny faces. He was looking straight in my eyes. Or I think I was holding a camera. It was as if nothing has happened between us. It was as if he loves me. I guess the thing that made it beautiful was that he was smiling at me - the smile I've been longing for quite some time.

I felt glad and sad at the same time. It was the first time that I had him in my dreams. Yet, I felt some sort of self-pity. Was I this desperate? God knows my heart. And I don't wanna go into details about this anymore.

Nevertheless, it's still good to remember that whatever trials I am facing right now, I AM NOT ALONE. God's been my encourager.

I've been part of Wildfire, the youth ministry of His Life City Church for almost one year. And we've had like 2 concerts since then: WORSHIP BLAST last Dec 2010 and ROCK @ THE TENT held last March 2011. And I regret I failed to attend both events. It's not that I intend not to come. I was too sick during the Worship Blast concert. And I babysit my nephew who was confined in the hospital during the Rock @ The Tent. So to this date, this is the first concert in Wildfire that I am going to attend - OUR GOD IS LOVE. And I'm so uber excited! This time, the Enemy can't stop me. It's even amazing how God cleared my flights. I had my last flight for the week yesterday. Today is my rest day. Tomorrow is gonna be the big day. The day after tomorrow is also my rest day. My next flight will be on Monday =) so favored.

But apparently, I'm no longer part of this youth ministry in my first ever attendance with all the Wildfire's concerts. I now belong to the young professionals, Catalyst, ministry of the church effective last October 8. Pero young at heart naman kaya okay lang :)

Meanwhile, tomorrow's also the seminar on teachers' empowerment. It's a meeting among the teachers of kidzlife, the kids ministry of His Life, and God. And Lord knows I can't do it alone. I need His presence. His Wisdom. So goodnight worshipers! See you all tomorrow! =)

Before that, here's the glimpse of what's going to happen tomorrow. Just a glimpse, because it's going to be superb than this.

Carolina Liar - Show Me What I'm Looking For (Video)

SHOW ME WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR

Wait, I’m wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I’ll be strong
I’m finding it hard to resist
So show me what I’m looking for

Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused

Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Oh lord

Don’t let go
I’ve wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I’ve learned to love abuse
Please show me what I’m looking for

Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused

Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Oh lord
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for

Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Just save me from being confused

Wait, I’m wrong
I can’t do better than this
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Oh lord

A thousand feet closer. =)

I found a one great reason why I should look forward to flying, enough to keep on keeping on. Flying could be a stressful thing to some cabin crews. Pressure on safety and security versus OTP (On Time Performance), pressure from passengers, and yes, pressure in the ears.

But hey! Here's the thing: I’m a thousand feet closer to God!!! Each time I take my seat in the cabin, I look into the sky and utter my prayer requests, all kinds of petitions. Such a selfish reason that my prayer reaches Him first (30,000 times faster than anybody else), but that’s what motivates me =)

She says 'Hi'. He'll just sigh.

She's not good at pretending.
When she says 'Hi',
he'll give her a sigh.
His silence kills her.
His look crashes her.
No matter how much she tries to hide the pain,
her eyes can't lie.
She still gets hurt.
Deeply hurt.

One thing she prays,
that he would let her love him. . .
even just for a day.
It doesn't matter if he won't feel the same way.
It doesn't really matter.
Just let her love him. . .
even just for a day.

I thought loving someone who can’t love you back is the worst thing one could ever feel. Well, nothing can get any worse than loving someone who hated you for that very reason – loving him.

"Step out of your comfort zone."

How can I get rid of it when the church itself has become my comfort zone. Yes, I'm missing a lot. =(

Dream

Last Thursday night was unforgettable. I was trying to finish the whole thing about passengers' handling, but my eyes were so heavy, they're inviting me to sleep. So I did. After I prayed, I lied down and continued talking with God. I remember what I told Him before I closed my eyes, "Be with me while I sleep. Stay here beside me". I even moved an inch like I was giving Him a space to lie down as well.

The moment I closed my eyes, I felt strange. I know that though I had my eyes closed, I wasn't yet really sleeping. But it was like I felt my body was too heavy that I couldn't move. For a second or two, I was moving but I found my body still lying on my mattress. I smiled when I finally was able to move. I've been wanting that feeling. You know, not nightmare. But that feeling of detachment from earth. Why would I be scared? I just asked God to stay with me. I knew it was Him.

I closed my eyes again and asked God to take me (my soul) again. Hey! I'm not asking for a solicited death! Lol. I just wanted to experience Him. I know it sounds crazy for some. Anyway, this time I even stood and walked, with my body still flat on my mattress. I exerted an effort when I realized that my soul was walking towards the door, like I was about to go out. I went back to my body. But I couldn't explain this part. Everything happened so fast. I know well what's happening. I saw my dorm mate A sleeping on my left side and my other dorm mate B on the right, sitting and reviewing. I tried calling dorm mate B, I needed her to move me so I could get back to my senses (body). I was shouting at the top of my lungs and praying. When I felt a sound came out from my mouth, I knew she heard me. And I saw her on my soul's peripheral vision (my body's eyes are closed) as she took a look at me and said, "Uuuuy". But then she thought I was just dreaming so she refocused again on her notes. But deep inside, I was laughing, "Ay naku! Wake me up. Buset bat dinedma mo lang ako, hehe". Literally my soul was talking, but of course she didn't hear that. So I relaxed and asked God, "Okay na po. Na-experience ko na. Balik na po ako". In a split second, my soul and body became one. Smiling, I said to dorm mate B, "Hoy! Bat di mo ko ginising?!". Hahaha she thought I was having a nightmare, but it was a beautiful experience. It was a real dream =)

=insert=

05 Sept

You call this astral projection or Out of Body Experience (OBE). According to some evangelist, this is a form of witchcraft. Some cults perform this consciously. Yes, I can do it as well. Demons use this to attack a sleeping body. I don't know much about it. And I don't want a debate as to whether this is an evil thing or not. "I exerted an effort when I realized that my soul was walking towards the door, like I was about to go out." My soul's going somewhere else. Where? I leave it to your presumption.

=end insert=

My posts would speak for my hectic schedule. Like I only had a single short entry for the month of August. I'll make a grand post after 23rd =)

But you know what I just realized with my stay there, it's not really difficult to live without God. . . it's IMPOSSIBLE. Agree?

I EAT A LOT when I get stressed. So please don't ever ask me again why. I get stressed all the more, and consequently, I eat more. HAHAHAH!

M I R A C L E (=

Where will I start? And how will I begin? Okay. Let's start off with the title of this post - MIRACLE. I couldn't think of any superlative word that would best describe this breakthrough.

July 24, 2011

Last Sunday, July 24, we had a special Sunday celebration at His Life City Church. It was a healing service, and indeed a step of faith. I held fast to God’s word. I didn’t know what miracle awaits me then, but my hopes just went radically up. I just knew inside that God is about to do something great! I have to admit, I’ve never seen myself with such great faith as before. There wasn’t even small room of doubt.

Matthew 9:29 Then he (Jesus) touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith will it be done to you"

[INSERT]

There is power in declaration:

25th

I'M GONNA MAKE IT THIS TIME =)

I know Lord. Not even one word of your promises has failed. Glory to you!

-this was my post last July 12. 25th, this is the street number of Asiana airline’s agency. It was my dream airline. But God also knows that I don’t want to leave the country. I passed my documents at their office a month ago and was advised to wait for their email by September.

Meanwhile, I had to look for a job. I had been jobless for almost a year now. I would try domestic airlines, I thought to myself. Although according to what I have read from FA forums, it’s quite harder to get hired in domestics than international airlines. A leap of faith.

It was on the same date (sunny July 12) of this 25th post when I received this Word from God:

1 Kings 8:35-38 35 “When the heavens are shut up and there is no rain because your people (I) have sinned against you, and when they (I) pray toward this place and give praise to your name and turn from their (my) sin because you have afflicted them, 36 then hear from heaven and forgive the sin of your servants (Your servant, Sey), your people Israel. Teach them (me) the right way to live, and send rain on the land you gave your people for an inheritance.”

[/INSERT]

July 25, 2011

The day after the Sunday service, my girlfriends (*Carlene and *Serena) and I went off to Manila. But soon after we passed our resume, we received a rejection. But among the three of us, I was the one with full of hope and faith despite the early unexpected rejection. I kept on reminding myself of Matthew 9:29. I even helped them to pass their resumes at Air Philippines, the airline where I first passed an application letter. *Danica got a call from 2P two weeks ago. I didn’t get the golden call though we passed our resumes on the same day. For a moment, it upset me. But I was still hopeful that I even pushed Carlene and Serena to pass their resumes. Same thing, they only handed their resume to the security personnel and were told to wait for their call.

After 2P, our next destination is at 25th street. Again, I only helped them there since I already had my initial screening last month with *Jade. I pretended to be an applicant as well so I could take a seat. Lol. While waiting for them, my phone rang. It was a call from Air Philippines asking me to have my initial screening the following day! Whoah. You see? It was July 25 and I was on the 25th street when I got the golden call. Truly, I made it! Words are powerful.

So I had to go back to Pampanga shortly after the talk. I had few hours to sleep and prepare.

July 26, 2011 (Tuesday) - Impact Interview

It was Tuesday morning when typhoon Juaning hit Luzon. When the heavens are shut up and there is no rain. . . send rain on the land you gave your people for an inheritance. HIGH HEELS + CORPO ATTIRE + HEAVY RAIN + BUSY CITY OF MANILA = Well, I couldn’t get mad of Juaning. It was the fulfilment of God’s word for me.

I arrived at Airphil office 10 minutes after 9 AM. We were 25 applicants in the room. Gosh. They were all pretty. But I had God with me, so no worries. I kept on praying. After assessing our height and weight, we were called one by one for the impact interview. I was 10th on the list. The interview lasts for 10-15 minutes. And after a minute or two, they would call your name again and hand you a note, either a congratulatory or a regret one. The first 3 girls had a regret note. I saw them half teary eyed. The fourth girl was the first to receive a congratulatory note. She was so elated, and shared the same joy with the 5th interviewee. But the next girls all failed the impact interview. 2/9 passed. Whew.

MY TURN. There were two panels and I was standing in front of them. They asked me few questions, mostly about the career. But there were list of questions completely unrelated. Lol. I answered them with boldness and confidence while maintaining my charm. I was praying inside of me while I was standing. They checked on my skin. After a 10 minutes or less, they said thanks and I was asked to wait for the result outside.

When Mr. Jojo called my name again to hand me the note, I was so thrilled that I opened it immediately. It read: We would like to inform you that you passed the impact interview. Please wait for our call for the schedule of your final interview. . . I PASSED!!!

I know it won’t end there. I went home after that. I praised God and worshipped Him. I know that He was the one who led me there. It was Him. GRACE. God never fails to reveal a promise to me. That night during my devotion, I came across Leviticus chapter 26.

Leviticus 26: 4-5 4 I will send you rain in its season, and the ground will yield its crops and the trees their fruit. 5 Your threshing (initial interview) will continue until grape harvest (final interview) and the grape harvest (final interview) will continue until planting (training), and you will eat all the food you want (travel in all places you want) and live in safety (and fly safely) in your land.

THIS. I was stirred up by His Word. How could it be so exact?

The following day, the HR called me and was advised to come the next day for the final interview/executive interview. Carlene and Serena had their impact interview on the 27th. They too passed! That same night, they were also called and advised to come the next day.

July 28, 2011 (Thursday)– Executive Interview

All in all, we were 15 applicants who passed the impact interview: Five girls from our batch (Tuesday) and ten girls from Carlene’s and Serena’s batch (Wednesday). We were so happy to find out that from 50 applicants, it was us who were chosen for the final interview.

The setup was similar with that of the impact interview, a panel-like one. Good thing, we were trained well in our university how to present ourselves during oral defences. But I know it would be totally different when applying for a cabin crew position. Wit doesn’t count that much. It’s all about the glamour and confidence. Seesh.

We were called again one by one. This time facing three executives, the big bosses of the airline. But this didn’t shaken me. From threshing to grape harvest. From initial interview to final interview. I repeatedly utter this on my mind. God is with me.

Praise God the three of us were called before lunch break, or we couldn’t eat at all. They asked me questions far related from this career. They were more of personal. But I answered them with grace. I was favoured enough that they didn’t ask me to sing or dance. God knows my weakness. Lol. Because all the other girls after me were asked to sing, dance, and even act. They got to be really bored. The interview lasted for 15 minutes.

Unlike the impact interview, we would know the result right after our turn. But this time, we had to wait all the 15 applicants to finish. While waiting, I shared the Word to Serena. She is an INC member. After reading all the promises that I have from God, she was so amazed by how God is speaking to me through His Word. I encouraged her to do the same – talk to God and read His Word. Though she is an active member of their church, she never opened the bible. Well, at least she has one. Sharing her that didn’t only increase her faith, but it also reminded me once again that God is true to His Word.

After we all had finished, the manager went out of the room to see us all. He gave us his final words and appreciation. Then we were escorted inside the room where *Sir Richard was. He had the result in hand. We were all excited and nervous. He started calling names, and we don’t know if those names that were being called were the ones who passed or failed. He called four names, and my name was not included. He took them outside the room. And when Sir Richard came back, the four girls were no longer there. I guess he sent them home. He called our names again and congratulated us for making it!

There were two more exams, and we’re already for training on August 8. GOD IS FAITHFUL. Really I’m still in awe of how God moved in this application process. It was tough, it was difficult, but nothing. . . I say NOTHING is impossible with Him.

All glory to God!

A short rewind from my journey. . .

Thanks to workabroad.ph which consistently posts open days for cabin crew recruitment. It was on this site where I found WY which is under I-Rekrut Manpower Agency. Just like most, if not all, other recruitment agency, you have to pass their screening process before they hand you over to the employers. The said agency had not been that strict, so long as you meet all the basic requirements and have completed all the necessary documents, then you’re IN.

Since it’s the agency’s first time to handle WY, they wanted to make sure that everything will run smooth comes the day the delegates from Oman arrive. They even required us to attend a pep talk headed by trainers from WINGS Institute, a flight attendant school. They taught us the basics of how it takes to be part of the team. We learned a lot though from that one-day seminar. During the seminar, we were also informed that the delegates were already on board and about to land in a few hours. That meant we will be screened the next day.

July 6, 2011.

Venue: Century Park Hotel, Badjao Room

I didn’t have to worry about commuting all by myself; I was with my very close friend, *Danica. We took the train. We love the train. We arrived at the hotel 10 minutes before 8. The transformation from yesterday was so evident that everybody looked like flight attendants! Whew. WINGS was a big help. There are about less than 300 aspirants in the same room. After an hour, the delegates finally arrived. *Ms. Lily, *Ms. Sarah, *Mr. Chad, *Mr. Joe (*not their real names) came in and I felt a sudden tickle in my stomach. This is it. They greeted us with a warm smile, except for Mr. Joe. Ms. Lily was so pretty that I caught myself with dropped jaw as I was staring her.

After a short talk, the recruitment agency gave us our number and escorted us to another room for the first stage. In all fairness to the team, everything was well-organized.

First stage: Personality Test

This stage was divided into two parts: (a) height and weight measurement and (b) grooming test done by Ms. Lily. Some failed on the first part (height less than the requirement, while some height and weight are not proportional). If you passed the first part, you will be asked to be seated outside the other room where Ms. Lily was. When it was my turn, I noticed how she observed me from the time I entered the room (catwalk) till I took a seat. I greeted her with a smile, and expressed my appreciation of her beauty. I told her that she looks like one of my Barbie dolls. Upon hearing that, I saw how her face turned into elated mode. I think she liked me =) She asked me few questions and took a close look at my skin.

After that process, we were asked to wait at the Badjao room again. Since there are a lot of applicants who aren’t yet done with the first stage plus the fact that we couldn't deny the growling sound of our stomach, Danica and I decided to grab a bite at Chowking since it was already past lunch time. We took our food inside the room and ate there while waiting for the results. Some numbers from the first batch were already being called. It was a nerve-wracking moment. Danica and I found ways to kill our tension. We sang the bubblegum song (and you guys know how crazy that sounds). While in the middle of the song, our batch’s result was being announced. My eyes were half peeped when I heard my number. We were almost 20 in our batch and only 5 of us were called. Seesh. I was so happy but at the same time I felt sad, Danica’s number wasn’t included. And that meant, she had to leave the hotel alone. That was an awful feeling. We kissed each other goodbye. And I was moved to the next row, a bunch of applicants who passed the first stage. We were less than a hundred, I think. That was roughly 30-35% only of the total applicants that morning. I thanked God for the favor. I know, looking at my co-applicants, it was all by His grace that I made it there. But that didn’t end there...

Second stage: English Test

We then proceeded to the English test. It was a simple 135 exam. We only have to get 50% of it. Multiple choice for the first part, mostly grammar check, reading comprehension, and an essay. We were given two hours but everyone finished in an hour. The result of the exam will be announced the next day so everyone were endorsed to the next stage, which was the swimming test.

Third stage: Swimming test

5PM, and we were off the to the pool area. Good thing I had my swimming lessons few weeks before this American-Idol-like screening. Lol. We were only asked to swim 3 feet long. We sincerely thought it’s going to be 20 feet long. But maybe because we were running out of time. Whatever their reason, praise God (He knew I’m not a good swimmer). It wasn’t difficult. I passed this stage, though some got eliminated on this even after giving them three chances. I felt disappointed for them. Maybe they really can’t swim at all.

It’s almost sunset, we were advised to come back the next day but in a different location. This time, it will be held in Hyatt Hotel. And we called it a day. It wasn’t my first time to ride the train alone, but I felt sad. Should Danica hadn’t been eliminated, I would be a lot happier. I had no strength to reminisce or think of tomorrow’s next stage, so I slept all the way from Manila to Pampanga.

July 7, 2011

Hyatt Hotel, Le Salon room

As I was heading to Manila, I found myself in tears. I couldn’t explain. I’m close to what I’ve wanted. But I wasn’t completely feeling happy. Questions in mind like, why did I have to do this alone (I have 3 friends who applied as well, one is Danica and the other two, for some reasons, trusted the other agency). Fast forward, I arrived at the hotel minutes before 8. I went straight to the powder room to check on my makeup. I wasn’t confident of my makeup since it was me who experimented on it.

When I went up, I saw about 40 girls seated, familiar faces from yesterday. Le Salon’s room has four dining tables with 10 chairs in each. I took a seat closest to the door. When the big boss from the agency arrived, he gave us a big hand and congratulated us from making it this far. He mentioned that if he were to decide, he would not proceed to the next elimination round and would hire everybody. Elimination. We stared at one another with confusion and uneasiness, like ‘Oh no. We’ll have to face yesterday’s challenge again’. The nail-biting experience. Whew. So there they go, Oman delegates entered the scenario.

Fourth Stage: Group dynamics

We were grouped into four (as there were four tables), with 11-12 members each. Then we were given a topic (10 qualities of flight attendant) to discuss in ten minutes. The four employers picked a group that they would observe. Basically, the employer would observe the applicants on how they participate. In our group, it was Mr. Joe, the ever-serious gentleman.

“Time starts now.” I wasn’t talking during the first half, for the most part, I cannot interrupt. I know that I was being observed at that moment, and if I continue staying silent, the chance of getting eliminated will most likely be my fate. So I started sharing my ideas, asking if everyone agrees to it, and suggested some things. Grabbing the last few minutes, it seemed like I talked too much. “Time’s up!” Crap. Crap. Crap.

My tips: (1) participate, but do not overdo it, I suggest you say something every 3 minutes; (2) never interrupt; (3) always smile and appreciate your team’s ideas. After all, you are being judged according to your participation, how you deal with the rest of the group, it doesn’t matter if you do not have the wittiest idea.

We were asked to wait in a small room for the result. After half an hour of agony, the results were announced. Some held hands, others closed their eyes, while some did breathing exercise. But I’m sure everyone’s uttering a prayer. So when the big boss from the agency started to mention numbers who got in, the tension became more intense. I could see and feel how sorry he was that some had to be eliminated. And I was one of that ‘some’. Yes, I didn’t make it to the final stage. As from what I heard, they had panel discussion followed by the final interview. There were 26 girls who made it up to the medicals. And they are now just waiting for their visas.

That was it. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry. Of course I did. While still in the room, I saw some girls who were already in tears. But it wasn’t as soon as I began to realize that pain. I even went to Pasay after that to have my medical exam done as a requirement for another local airline. Yes, I was part of that local airline batch when I sneaked out to attend an international OD. Going back, on my way to Pasay, I sent my mom a regret text. She immediately replied with words of encouragement and told me that everything is all well. And that’s the only time I cried. It’s really different when you get things like these from your family. They are my strength, at the same time, my weakness.

I know, God has a bigger plan for me. =) I am still and always confident on this.

Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I HATE GOSSIPS

Period

MOSQUITO BITES

My legs after Saturday night ='(

LESSON LEARNED: I'll never wear dress/skirt again!

What made things worse was I just received a notice from an airline regarding my CC application, and because of what happened to my legs, I'm not gonna go. ='(

Had an ambivalent feeling selling my pre-owned dresses and bags for as low as 60 pesos. This is in exchange of cosmetic products which I ordered online.

25th

I'M GONNA MAKE IT THIS TIME =)

I know Lord. Not even one word of your promises has failed. Glory to you!

Emperador light TV ad

Of all alcoholic bev TV ads, this is the only one that i love and admire. It has its way of promoting the product without flaunting sexy models on their bikinis. The song best describes the theme of the ad: LIGHT =)

When mama makes house rule, she does this. The next day, I posted a note which read: I'm exempted. Ella and I share a room. =P

"THE CALL OF GOD WAS STRONGER THAN THE VOICE OF MY PARENTS."

-Rev. Anthony Martinez

S: "2 weeks na akong puyat, hindi ko alam bakit."

O: At 2 AM, I still find myself in bed, completely awake, yawning frequently and trying to assume a comfortable sleep position. Noted with dark circles around my eyes and pimples all over my face!

A: Disturbed sleep pattern related to unknown reason

P: I will attain optimal sleep!

I: Change my dinner from fiesta-like menu to banana and 2 glasses of warm milk

E: Goal not met. Despite of this new menu, I'm still finding it hard to sleep. ='(

Something to Say by Starfield



I've got something to say
It's been one of those days
When I'm finding it hard to believe in You

I've got something to say
I've forgotten how to pray
And I'm finding it hard to believe the truth

I've got something to say
Right now it feels like You are slipping away
Like I am drowning in a crisis of faith
Like I'm alone

I've got something to say
What was black and white is gray
And I'm finding it hard to believe in You

I've got something to say
Right now it feels like You are slipping away
Like I am drowning in a crisis of faith
Like I'm alone

And faith might mean there won't be answers
And hope might mean enduring through the night
But help me not forget in darkness
The things that I believed in light

I've got something to say
Right now it feels like You are slipping away
Like I am drowning in a crisis of faith
Like I was found, but now I'm lost in the fray

I've got something to say
It's been one of those days
When I'm finding it hard to believe in You

With all I am - Hillsong

Last year's entry:

my manifesto with God

i have to be honest, signing manifesto was not easy. it took a lot of strength. i was in a 2-year relationship before i signed. and like any other relationship, well i suppose, trials come after trial. yes we always fight. love quarrel became the synonym of our relationship, breaking up became a routine. why can't we solve things? why can't we straighten everything up? then one major problem attacked us. my weakest point in life (sorry can't blog it here). we tried to fight for that L-O-V-E that we have. but things didn't work out fine. we ended up hurting each other. and so... well you may guess what happened next: operation cool-off #817.

so i'm back to being alone again. no companion. it felt like nobody understood me. no one sympathized what i was going through. i was the only one who saw that something was wrong in our relationship. something is wrong with me and with the things around me. and i can't figure out what it was. it seemed like i was on my own with that battle. it was a terrible feeling.

then one time, i mingled with my old friends and sat next to them. they were sharing stories i couldn't relate with. so while they were happily chitchatting, a puzzle in my mind was popping up. these creatures looked content, looked seemingly at peace. what an unfair circumstance! as days passed, i figured out what they are into. they're busy with Someone. i thought of coming with them.

first Saturday of June when i joined them. "this is what they do... worshiping", i thought to myself. many young people were there, about 250 heads i think. some are younger than our age. and they aren't playing. they were as serious as the rest. after the gig ended, i felt different. i was on cloud 9. the preacher did not do stand up comedy or what. he just spoke the Word of God. and it was so powerful. "i'll do this again."

surrounding myself to people closed to God was really amazing. i almost forgot that i have a battle that time. or maybe i just learned that it is not my battle, never mine, but His. i stopped fighting for it because once you surrendered everything to Him, you just have to battle in prayer. and God will be in control of everything. just trust in Him, and you'll surely find comfort in His love.

after almost a month of worshiping, i realized that this is what i need - God's comfort. this is what makes me truly happy. i decided to commit myself to Him again. because in the first place, we belong to Him. and after that decision, i heard about the manifesto thing. it's like God is asking me to finally legalize our relationship :) why would i say no to this? all i hear from within me is YES. i was very determined to sign. until a friend came to me [who's also in manifesto] and said, "have your word first". hearing that, i felt nervous. it sounded like "this is not as easy as what you think, shey". so i prayed for that word. my friends also prayed for me. i prayed to God. He knows where my heart belongs. i begged Him that i really want this.

one day, my beloved friends and i prayed together (which we always do). and everyone was asked of their personal intentions. so i asked them to pray for me that i may receive the word. after that, i went to the mall and passed by the bookstore. i stood in front the Bible section and grabbed one. i prayed before opening it. then randomly, i turned the page. it stopped on Ecclesiastes' page. i read the passage and it seemed to have no connection. i closed the Bible, and opened it once more. then without looking which book i was into, i read another verses. it read: When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! whoah! that was a big time blow! God's really talking to me. when i looked at the page, it was from ECCLESIASTES 5:4 (NIV). i shook my head, and yes it was the same page i first turned and ignored. God really wanted to tell me this :) wow! His words are very powerful.

so when i came back to our church, JUNE 26, 2010, i excitedly signed the contract.

I, the undersigned, commit before Jesus, my Lord and my Savior, before man and my peers or classmates, that I will withhold myself from entering into a boyfriend relationshp for one (1) year because I would like to give my undivided attention to loving and serving God. This means that:

1) I will abstain from courtship and dating.

2) I will abstain from sexual intercourse, petting, necking, kissing (on the lips)and any indiscreet contact with any person.

THIS IS WHAT GOD WANTS. THIS IS HIS PLAN FOR ME.

it felt. . . great! i will not stop praising God. my body and soul will be sanctified for the glory of God. and tomorrow is our first monthsary :) and i couldn't count anymore the bountiful blessings that He has showered upon me for the past 30 days. He even has left a promise to me, which i know [in 101% faith] will be fulfilled:

I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40)

but it did not end here. . . till then!

_______________________________________________

And today . . . June 27, 2011

16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.

You do not want a burnt offering.

17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.

You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

-Psalm 51:16-17

It is not about the 365-day sacrifice of being in a manifesto, it's about the number of days I came to God, broken and totally surrendered.

It was all by His grace that I endured all those struggles. He alone is my strength who had given me the courage to say no to temptations and distraction. It was all by His grace.

How do I "unfriend" somone on facebook without him/her noticing it??? :(

MY LUSOG-BUSOG-SOLVE-SOLVE MOMENTS (=

*sniff*

PUG, MI LOVE!


Who wouldn't want this dog as a companion? (= so looking forward to have you soon, doggy!

Status: RESERVED.

One thing I pray:

That God would help me become a good wife to my husband (=

One of the reasons why I opt to stay single is because I'm keeping myself RESERVED for my husband. I want him to be the happiest groom when I get to walk down that aisle. Talking about fidelity? Yes. It would be unfair for him if I give away pieces of my heart to every guy who comes along while my groom still lives in the future, completely unaware. I'm sure he wouldn't like to hear me say, "Hi, glad to finally see you. Here's a piece of my heart, uhm, it's quite broken, but-uh, that still works. Sorry I thought you were one of those - uh - jerks before." Seesh. Nah!

In as much as I pray to God to keep him safe, to mold him into a better man, to make him wait for me, blah blah blah, who am I then to present myself before him as his lawful wife - broken, messed up, incomplete? That is absurdly unfair, isn't it?

So blame it on to him why I stopped going out with a guy (even if he's a close friend of mine), why I don't let any man caress me as if I am his, why I don't spend much of my quality time with any other guy. Call it OA. Pero that's how precious he is to me. And I respect his feelings. I don't want him to feel like i-am-with "everybody's girl" when the time comes that we're finally together. You get what I mean? Like when he's hugging me or holding my hands, then some jerk guy in my past gives him a look that says "done with that".

I so love my husband. Though he still lives in the future, I let him live in my heart as early as now. I know, everything would be worth the wait (=

There's a line between loving and stalking :P

Switchfoot - On Fire

For I command you today to (1)love the LORD your God, to(2) walk in obedience to him, and to (3)keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

-Deuteronomy 30:16

Three conditions:

1. LOVE GOD
2. WALK IN OBEDIENCE TO HIM
3. KEEP HIS COMMANDMENDTS


If I do all these things, God will give me the the desire of my ♥.

For you are not a man who should lie. Thank You, Lord! You never fail to fulfill Your promises. And Your Word came when I least expect it. Hahaha! You made me smile, Lord (=

VERSATILITY AWARD goes to. . . JESUS! (=

He can be your friend in times of trouble.

He can be your lover when you're broken.

He can be your father when you need some discipline.

He can be your brother when you need protection.

He can be your umbrella when rain falls.

He can be your shield when the enemy attacks.

He can be your number one fan when you're on stage.

He can be your date when no one bothers to dance with you.

He can be your private doctor when you're feeling ill.

He can be your lawyer to stand up for you.

He can be your EVERYTHING. ♥

‎"She comes off as strong, but maybe she fell asleep crying. She acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she's just really good at lying."

I Kissed My Supposedly-First-Flying Experience Goodbye

Bbye :*

-ganun kasimple. Hehe. Ayaw ako payagan magtraining sa Manila eh. Pero okay lang. I'm trusting God's bigger plans for me (= God is saying that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should [via FB].

"Of all goodbyes, the kind which hurts the most, was the one your ears never heard, but your heart knew it is already being said."

-THIS.

COCO FRESCO MADNESS

After the gig, I went straight to SM Clark because of one thing: buy goggles and ear plug for my swimming lessons. Been absent for more than a week because I don't have yet the money to buy these. And my instructor kept on reminding me to have my own next session. As I was heading to sporting goods store, I passed by the Coco Fresco booth, and I began craving. I've been thinking of it since last night.

I decided to prolong the agony and stop first at the sports shop since I know some sort of policy like no eating and drinking inside the stores. After 5 minutes, I picked my choice of color (blue goggles) and went straight ahead to the counter. The bar code read it's worth 200 pesos. Thinking I was nakatipid (I can have the earplug for free if I buy the goggles), I paused for a sec when I found out how much my swimming aides cost, because the last time I checked, I only have 243 pesos in my wallet.

Then I remember, half liter of Coco Fresco costs 40 pesos. I have to choose between the two (swimming aides and buko shake). I can't have them both at the same time or I'll end up begging for pamasahe to complete my remaining 3 peso balance. So without further ado, I stepped out of the shop and chose to buy Coco Fresco instead. ((; however, I have to skip classes again because of incomplete gadgets. =(

Dear God, forgive me for choosing buko shake over goggles and ear plug. I know You are a God who provides. You have given me buko shake, what else can't You give? I love You, Lord! ((=

TRAINED

This gets so possible without you standing in front of me, making sure i got a good seat. Or if not, you're on the phone, checking me from time to time, station to station, making sure i board the right train line. Well I guess, you trained me well on this. I don't get scared anymore. Uh, when I get lost, it's when I miss you the most. Sometimes, I imagine you sitting/standing beside me, nagging (laughs). Or somehow expecting to see you at the end of the line, waiting for me. I just miss you.

Genesis 12:1-3

This broke my heart ='(

And God saw my pain. . .

Praise God!

SWIMMING LESSONS BUKAS!!! Di ko alam kung maeexcite ako, o mahihiya. Hahaha (=

This much is true.

Even if I write a novel here, words are still not enough to describe how I encountered God.

Extreme. Fruitful. Joyous. Incomparable.

What a GLORIOUS encounter with God!

Hallelujah! THIS MUCH IS TRUE.

YOUTH CAMP NA BUKAS!!! PAG BALIK KO MAGANDA NAKO. HAHAHA

Isn't my uncle the sweetest? HAHAHA

WAIT.



-a very powerful Word from GOD that I got this afternoon while I was on my knees, immersed with tears.

ALIN, ALIN ANG NAIIBA?


1. kahit mainit sa gabi. . .
a) nakakumot ako
b) nakamedyas ako
c) nakapajama ako

2. nakapunta na ako at gusto kong bumalik ulit sa. . .
a) Starcity
b) Enchanted Kingdom
c) DIsney Land

3. favorite drinks ko:
a) choco drink
b) iced tea
c) water

4. favorite ulam ko:
a) adobong manok
b) fried chicken
c) litson manok

5. pinakaimportante sa mapapangasawa ko:
a) love niya si Lord
b) love ko siya
c) love niya ako

6. ministry na nasalihan ko sa church:
a) connect
b) usher
c) kidzlife

7. screen name ko:
a) shey
b) angela
c) sey-sey

8. favorite street food ko:
a) betamax
b) isaw
c) adidas

9. bible version na meron ako:
a) NLT
b) NIV
c) TMSG

ACCEPTANCE.

It all boils down to it.

I WANT.

that answered prayer

What do you do when you get an answered prayer? You rejoice? Uh-huh. What else? You shout in joy? But... what about having a grief-stricken sentiment over an answered prayer? Or hoping somehow God didn't answer it right away. Do you consider that normal? Not typical huh. (You might be thinking how much discontentment is eating my sanity.)

Well, I myself am wondering, what happened now to that ‘Lord, if he is not the one, please take him away’ fearless prayer? I remember how valiant I was when I uttered that prayer. And it wasn’t the first time I said that petition, two times in a row, bingo! God never fails to grant that prayer. The first time I did mention that, it honestly took a lot of courage. I’ve been struggling with that man for quite an era. And it took me almost a year to accept that the connection we have is no longer healthy in our ministry nor it is pleasing to God. And do you believe that God answers just in time? I can attest to that.

He answered me the very same day I talked to Him about that. But I didn’t grasp that right away. After a month was when I realized that he was actually gone. He stopped communicating with me. Unreasonably and without warning, he was gone. But reasonably, it was God who dealt with the situation by merely granting my prayer.

Honestly, I found no joy in that answered prayer. It was a plain PAIN. But after months of battling with that letting-go phase, I found what it seemed like bliss in losing. God allowed it to happen so I could see the better ones He has planned for me, I thought to myself.

For the second time around, with no hesitation, with boldness and confidence, I uttered that prayer again. It’s ironic that I managed to repeat that line even after the painful phase I went through the first one. Even if I know that this is no less than the former. And Voila! God has pardoned me in no time.

Again, no one ever gets used to pain. It’s a process. The first one, with all the memories that we both shared, seemed impossible to overcome, yet I did. The latter, with a very few memories I had with him (not even sure if he shared the same thoughts with me), is more likely to overcome. I will be victorious in this. After all, it’s just my emotions playing over my head. What matters most is following God’s will and praising Him for saving me. God is good. He knows how weak I can be when my heart starts beating for someone else. Love can turn my whole world upside down. When I love, I not only love, I love beyond what love should be. The very reason why God rescued me in a split second!

My earnest prayer now is not to awaken that kind of love until the groom God has prepared for me walks into my life. Right time. Right chances. This time, I know, having said that another kind of fearless prayer, God will answer me instantaneously.

I AM RESERVED. =)

Take the honor, the wealth, and the glory
Take the power, the strength, and the blessing
You created it all, You are worthy

Paying in blood, you bought men and women
Bought them back for God waiting in Heaven
Every creature in heaven and in earth
Joins to sing praises all over the world

Take the honor, the wealth, and the glory
Take the power, the strength, and the blessing
You created it all, You are worthy

(Taken from Revelations 4-5)

When I think about how I'm losing my two senses, I can't help but sob ='(

But with God, nothing is ever to hard. He is my healer. One day, I'm gonna see things clearly. See His glory and beauty. One day, I'm gonna hear His word again. Hear God's voice and that of an angel. One day, I'm gonna stand in His presence, bold and confident that He has healed me. HEAL ME, oh God. Use me for Your glory!

In Jesus mighty name, I pray (:

Good night.