away.

i don't want to be away.

i asked GoD why do i have to be here? i mean what's my purpose in this place? am i tasked to win souls here? yesterday, i slept as early as 5 PM. well that's supposedly just a nap. i was surprised as soon as i was brought back to consciousness and checked the time on my phone, it's 6AM!!! that's a big time REST huh? well it's freaking cold in HK. not to mention my very low cold temperature tolerance. maybe that's sounds like i'm doing nothing here...

last month, i thought of flying to Dubai. three weeks ago, i thought of applying at Qatar Airways as flight attendant. two weeks ago, i considered another local airline. you see, i wanted to be away! it's not that i'm hiding from someone, nor soul-searching-kind-of-drama. i just need a job. i need to provide for my family. and you know what GoD said when i told Him that? "What? Did i hear it right? You're going to provide? Have you forgotten, I am GoD, the Great Provider." that echoed to my ear over and over again. i couldn't answer back, but found myself crying while uttering 'sorry' for like 20 times.

now that i'm away, i think GoD made me realize one thing: I DON'T WANT TO BE AWAY. i miss church. i miss fellowship. i miss everything that reminds me of GoD's greatness. i'm not saying that the presence of GoD is not in HK. it's just that i was in Philippines when i fell in love with Him, when i experienced His grace, where i heard Him calling my name. to serve Him. to serve His people. thank You for this privilege. thank You for allowing me to be here. i don't want to be away.

It's so real.

It's so real. Like yesterday I woke up at 6.30 AM (this is surprising, I usually wake up just in time for lunch), I tried to go back to sleep but ended up thinking about what has been happening the past few days, and I started sobbing again . How can it be so real? I mean, yes I’ve been praying for this. I just didn't expect it would be this soon. So soon. By faith, I know it would happen after 2 or 3 years. I think that's what I failed to mention in my prayer, well, I intentionally missed that part because I always trust in GoD’s perfect time.

Until now, I cry in awe when I think about my partial answered prayer. I had been just dreaming about it. The very reason why I got convicted when I heard our pastor say, "Don't imagine. PRAY!" :)

But I know it's not yet the right time. I know. Maybe GoD wants me to realize that He won’t withhold the good things I deserve. No need to worry. I just have to focus for now. Sabi nga ni Kuya Ru, "Ali pa ngeni". and while he was saying that, I wanted to hide my face in fear that he might discern what I was going through that moment :P nah, he's so favored, so there's no way he wouldn't know (hmpt).



*remind to self: 'WAG HALUAN.

be a blessing...

heard this many times. don't do that, don't do this. sometimes i wonder, am i not? that's a good question. making a decision is part of our daily activities, it happens every hour, every minute, and every other second (i don't think you can make one in a second, hmmm okay okay, except during adrenaline rush). people are vulnerable in choosing the wrong decision. so like a preschooler, i always have to ask my mentors if i can do this and that. it's like cracking the whole me. well, i actually have the choice to go on my own and do whatever pleases me to do. but i still won't choose to do that. i know, i know well, if i follow my own desire, i would end up losing EVERYTHING.



i want to be a blessing...

i appreciate you 10x more than the lotto jackpot prize! :)

Glory to You!

After a month or two of ministering, today's 2nd service 3-6 y/o kids' cell had been very successful. This is all because of the Holy Spirit working withing us. Thank You, thank You for Your faithfulness! All glory to You! :))) we love You!!!

He is my Strength

These trials are made to happen so I can draw myself closer to Him. He knows I'm weak when I am here. But for when I am weak, I am strong and that His power works mightily in my life. He put me here, but I know, He'll provide a way out.

my friends know that i am no good in memorizing...
but i can memorize the features of your face,
the outline of your every sides,
the perfect shape of your eyes,
the smoothness of your face.
i wouldn't mind taking that quiz.
i easily get bored...
but i can stare at you forever.
i wouldn't mind looking at you for an hour or two.
i wouldn't mind being with you all day doing nothing.
i wouldn't mind if you drag me to places i never wanted to be.
i wouldn't mind at all.
i don't like sudden change of plans...
but if you ask me to go out my way,
i wouldn't mind.
i hate watching animes...
but i would watch all those films
if that's what it takes to enter 'your world'.
i hate late...
but i wouldn't mind waiting for you for half an hour or so.
i wouldn't mind even if you can't come and have to look after your baby sister.
i wouldn't mind waiting for you forever.
i wouldn't mind at all.

if i die...

i want all my clothes be given to my sister, Ella...
my cellphone back to my brother, Mike. and maybe he's gonna give it to my dad.
my other things to my mother, she loves using my bags and shoes.
my bible and spiritual books to Ella, so she'd know about my Savior.


if i die...

i want all organs be donated to those who need it. and maybe spare my kidney for my dad, in case he might need it.


if i die...

i want my friends to testify how their lives changed when they met my Savior.
i want my leader to tell how my life changed because of my Savior.


if i die...

i want "heart of worship" and other songs by hillsongs be played during my wake, led by praise and worship team from HL church.
and if it's not too much to ask, i want our youth pastor to preach on my last day.


if i die...

i want to be clothed with pure white dress.
i want everybody who goes to my wake to wear white as well.
and in my funeral, too.
i want them to hold white balloons on our way to my grave and let it go as my casket is being lowered in the ground.


if i die...

and i am about to marry, i want my fiance to find another girl whom he will love more than he has loved me.


if i die..

and i am married, i want my husband to find a wife again whom he will love more than he has loved me, but not greater than his love for our children.


if i die...

and neither i am engaged nor married, i want the one i love to know that i am sorry.
i am sorry if i haven't found him, and that i haven't had enough time to look for him. . .
till we meet again :)