blown away

i was blown away... my... i should have known all these lies. i was a victim of my own conviction. someone uses me just to save himself. someone puts the blame on me even if i do nothing. and i couldn't blame the other party because she definitely believes this "someone". he even let her read my letters to testify that it's me who runs (correction, it's "ran") after him. and yes, in fact, that was sealed a month ago or so when he promised me something that never happened; when he convinced me to believe him that he can do it for me. of course, it was my fault that i trusted him. man. how could this someone do this to me? all those tears he shed, the nights he spent, the distance that he travelled, the days when he followed, the words he vowed... i should have known. i just hope he'll end his dirty game. you won. worry not, i'm not into vengeance anymore. i'm a grown up.

i was blown away... yesterday, somebody has sent me offline messages... i understand. she won't listen anyway. the game is over, you guys should taste the triumph. still, i'm sorry for your pain. that, too, shall pass... i'm no help but my prayers for you do. i hope.

i was blown away... i got chocolates for answering the question, "who is your crush?" and he too got one for answering the same question. yan ang connivance! haha

i was blown away... a friend of mine told me that if i open my heart to someone else, i have to make sure that he'll be the best. coz it surely can't bear another ache. so i'm taking everything slowly and surely. i will not allow another damn ass to ruin my life. but i'm ready to love again, but not now, soon... so please, wait for me. (sounds selfish? ooh.)

i was blown away... what does it mean? a sorry cake? a we're-so-happy-we'll-share-our-blessings-to-you cake? an it's-been-a-long-time-since-i-saw-you cake? or you-seem-so-bitter-have-some-sweet cake? well i guess it's an advance-happy-birthday cake. hahaha. whatever. thanks anyway. i didn't eat much coz i have a stye. no sweets allowed. i wished you never came. it just prolongs my agony.

i was blown away... i'm having a baby next year! yes. she is so lovely and pretty. baby jas... you'll be a year young by that time. i'll be your "mother" while your bilogical mom is away. let's look for a handsome and rich "father" ha. hehe. i'm so excited!

I AM HAPPIEST


happy with my new schedule


*friday 1-3 PM PE (aero/body bldg)

ok. it's sialongo not santiago

 

happy with my new classmates

2-6. nakakapressure dito. daming smart kids. sipag nilang lahat. parang walang social life yung iba. hehe. anyway, though i'm this suplada type, they still care to befriend me. and i appreciate them so much, esp now that ate sobs (my only classmate i know) had to leave school for a week. i thought i'd be a loner without her. i miss you, sobs! yep, i don't eat there anymore. kaso pag bumibili ako ng mineral water. tsk. pikit nalang ako. hehe.


happy with my old friends - ami


man. i love them! i can't imagine my broken life without them. i feel safe when they are around. i feel their over flowing love for me. i feel their care. they help me a lot. well i can't thank them enough for that. ewan. pero iba yung barkadahan namen. unlike yung iba, they'll ask you "napano ka, bat malungkot ka?". pero wala, you'll just say "wala lang. masakit lang ulo ko". pero pag mga "ami" na, pagkakita mo palang, umiiyak ka na kaagad. sweet noh. i always want to be with them. they are so real! as in. hoy! sana matuloy lahat ha. puno na gallery naten - puro drawings. i love you all! :)


happy without him




stop thinking about me. coz i'm better now. stop seeing me. coz it's better that way. stop telling me lies. coz i can see the truth. stop giving me promises. coz they're all meant to be broken. stop loving me. coz it's damn fake. stop coming back to me. coz i don't want to be used again. stop needing me. coz you already have one. stop being selfish. coz you'll lose all in time. stop playing games. coz you're a bad player. stop leaving her. coz you may not have her forever. stop saying goodbye to me. coz we're totally over.
===think you just did these===
now... stop showing me you're happy. coz i am much happier than what you think. stop getting even with me. coz you already won. stop hurting me. coz you already made me numb. stop making me cry. coz nothing comes out anymore. stop pushing me away. coz i'm way too far from you. stop stopping my world. coz it moves so fast. stop killing the love i had for you. coz it's just waiting to get buried. =)

sembreak drama

there are so much blissful and heartbreaking things that happened this short vacation. and most of them are my top secrets not all would want to hear (laughs). but i won't keep it down low this time [it's my blog!]...

GET DRUNK AFTER EXAM
i got drunk after our hap exam. and you won't believe it, may laugh out loud - i was down with 2 bottles! hahaha. i don't really drink. but we thought it was the only remedy left for us...so it was good. i thank zhovan for carrying me on her back. hehe. i was throwing up all the way to loren's place. tragic. ugh. well the sweetest part there was when my guy friends rescued me (tnx gino, e2y, tads).
oct17-18

NO SAD GOODBYE

i broke up with my boyfriend. i just felt the need to. i mean, i don't want him to keep hanging in there while i was having fun the whole time my phone beeps. he is cool. he was just like, "okay, just call me back. send me your number if ever you'll change it again". i won't.
oct27

CUPCAKING
no, i'm not. he is. well, got nothing more to say about that.
oct20-21&24

SHOPPING

i blame myslef for being such an impulsive buyer. i could have went to WC only if i used my money wisely. and now i have to suffer the whole month with my last peso. ugh. but on secondary reflection, i had fun. think it's enough? hehe
oct27

HIDE AND SEEK

my bestest guy friend saw me at the mall. but i must assume that he really stalked me. haha. i was alone there for 2 hours looking for some sale stores and he was calling me but i kept on rejecting his call (we had a small fight last night). i knew he was at the mall too. so i hid. hehe. fortunately, he found me. it was fun, i don't remember the last time we hung out like that. he helped me find a school bag, though most of the time i'll find him sitting on the husband's chair. rawr! we're good friends. =p
oct29

ALWAYS AT HOME

i had my hair cut. not really short. guess where we spent our dinner? yes. i was with my crazy friends when they dragged me to his place. shy. actually, they didn't have to - i badly needed to ppppf! hehe. as always, we're welcome to his place. it was an indifferent feeling being there - it's like "we're home!".
oct30

LAST PARTY BEFORE SCHOOL

a.k.a "the major drama"

it was jinky's 18th bday! and before we got there, he kept on reminding me to stay out of that girl. i really didn't get his point. i mean, so what if we'll bump into each other, am i not allowed to say hi? or would she pour her tea on me? he kept on warning me...and i didn't completely understand it till we were at the post party place, might as well at the coffee shop... OON she started babbling about a "topic" that was not so informative on our part (we're college students, dear). but that "topic" made everyone stood quiet for the first time, yes, including me. ok, there was tension, not on my part, on my friends' part. they were all looking at me, and if i could put it into words, they were saying, "it's ok. just smile". that was sooo sweet of them. anyhow, we did have fun!!! so much. it was like a highschool mini reunion. and i didn't realize how much i miss them until that night, though i was quite silent most of the time (damn i was really droggy, as in drowsy and groggy)... the "play" didn't end just there, tons wanted to drive us home, but there are buts - we have to drop by to somewhere they wouldn't want to see us getting in there. good thing bryan insisted to take the responsibility. sweet. but tons wanted, again, to just follow our car since he thought we were just heading the same road. sheesh, how can we get out of this trap?! bryan, knowing what's happening, drove his car really really slow. yeah. they were lost, and we finally got into that place. thankyousomuch bry! when we were at loren's place, we spent the last hours of the dimmed morning talking about what just happened to us. we were laughing to death with all those things we've been through in our lives lately - but we do wanna cry. tayne and i were thinking if we could get a life first before talking about it. loren found her fault of not being a true fighter. not so complaining about her ache, she wandered why her world never goes around. sucks. we even talked about our men's lives now (we love to call our boys barkada "ours"), likewise, they need a life! uuh. enough. i'll surely miss them all. and i certainly still have my best friends with me forever. i see now who are real - reeeaal tops. loren, tayne, and i know that tomorrow's still the same - we still have loren's place to come home and have our serious "talk" there, tayne's money to borrow to buy coffee we'll all share, mine's spirit they call their "hope" that would let us hang for like almost forever. yet, we know it's time to commence a new one. oh, ineedcoffee...

nov3-4