boy: hey. i saw you at the party last time.

girl: (really?) then why didn't you say hi?

boy: i tried. but you never looked.

girl: (I DID. but you never noticed) maybe i was too busy chatting with friends.

Dear Friend,

I'm working on a case study. Yes I am. I actually have the pathophysiology in my mind, but I'm not through with it yet. Oh. I'm sorry if I bother You this late, but. . . I can't even start! :'( I'm not even sure if I could meet the deadline. And looking at my calendar, I've got loads of appointments these coming days. Dawn Watch every Wednesdays. (I'll see You, okay? Great. Wake me up :D) Life group every Thursdays. Classes every Saturdays, then straight to the church for Youth Gig Celebration and Discipleship. Sunday is church day again (could watch basketball game if You would allow). October 26, 27, and 28 training on IVT. October 30 theory presentation in class. November 5 DFA again. Submission of manuscript on the 6th. PRC registration by the 10th day of next month. 23rd back to DFA again, then be with sister for a week. I'm not complaining, no never. Don't want to praise my Enemy. But You see, I feel pressured! Not to mention the expenses I have to spend in all these activities, I know You will provide. Aaaah. Just looking at these lineups, it's exhausting! Yes, you heard me right. I need rest. I need your comfort. I need You. Do not hide from me :'(

Do not mind much about my manifesto. I'm reading Kuya Ru's book A Date With The One. I think that would be a big help. The author's close to you by the way. So that gives me the confidence that You co-authored in that book. But I ask you to tap my shoulder each time I make the wrong move. Because I tend to get emotional at times. I know I shouldn't be deceived with my feelings. Remind me of it, please. I pray for an excellent spirit. Please? Grant me as well the gift of wisdom. So I'd know how to walk in the midst of trials. Uhm, yes. It's hurting me. But. . . It's alright. Let the pain remain if it's the only way. . .

Thanks for the message Your Father has sent. Uhm. Could You tell me exactly what to do? I say NO to bad decision. But I'm not sure which one is right :'( I don't want to follow my own ways...my own desires. I want to act right. I want everything You have written for my life to be fulfilled. I want You to direct my life. . . Oh! It's getting late. Till then! I hope You get this letter ASAP. Thanks :D

♥ shey

PS: Please write back. You know where to find me :D

l-o-v-e

have you ever fallen for someone who can't love you back? it's the most horrible feeling. it eats you. it leads you to a trap. you know it well but you still follow. it cracks your chest inside, and it messes with your mind. you try all the remedies to forget about that person, but you ended up loving him more. he never asks for anything. but you willingly give a piece of you. but it never even has given you the satisfaction of loving him, because he will never know. and his heart already belongs to someone else which took the longest for you to realize that. you can never have him, and he can never love you. how stupid that love is! he ignores you but you never get tired of it. you just love everything about him. the worst part is that he does nothing to make you fall in love. LOVE TAKES HOSTAGES. it kills innocent hearts and torn them into pieces. until only a little piece is left in you, and his name is still in that little thing. it kills you again, until it leaves no more. it drags your emotions to the deepest sea. it drowns you of your longing, and it can never be resolved. love gets into your soul. not just in mind, you find yourself preoccupied with the thoughts of having him. you curse the day that you fell in love with him, but you often find yourself thinking about those days. wanting them to happen once again. hatred lingers when you don't see him, and tell yourself never would i ever come near to that man. but you know that when he comes near and talks to you, every pain, every sleepless nights, every tears, were all worth everything. . . and it amazingly mends your broken heart.

it is better that i keep silent. and may the LORD teach my heart to become silent as well. i hate it that i can't to talk to Him at night without my pillow getting sloppy :'(

DISCONNECTED

i so love the ministry i was in. we connect people to God. we do it to help bring people back to God. as simple as it may sound, but there's a deeper connection once you started to look what you do in a different way. when you get to talk to the "first-timers", as we call them, you could right away feel the anointing. it is there because you know God is using you.

So why did i ever have to leave this ministry? now that I'm getting to love the team, now that I am enjoying what i do. oh this is crazy, i know well the answer. just trying to make an illogical one! (see how much it bothers me?)

But Dan's right. i should obey. enough with the excuses i try to come up with just to stick on connect. he thinks that I'm better off not being part of the team. or being used in another ministry. he knows best.


say hello to KiDs! :D

i fell in love with these :(





why did i ever ignore you and take you for granted when my world had in abundance to give? now i want you so bad, CHUCKS :(

Unanswered prayers

Maybe some of you have been praying for a financial breakthrough, or maybe a car, perfect partner, and all sorts of things the world has in abundance. But the question is, why can't it be yours?

There is a story where a happy-go-lucky college student boy who is from a well-off family, and can get whatever he wants asked his father for a car as a birthday present. He grumbled that among his friends, he was the only one who doesn’t own a car. Then his father told him, “I can’t give you that, son.” “Why? What is half a million for you? You can earn that in a month or less. That is so unfair!” “Son, how can I let you have one? You don’t have a license yet and you don’t even know how to drive.”

As a father, he won’t let anything harmful happen to his son. Likewise, God won’t give it to us if we are not yet ready. It doesn’t mean He is saying NO to it. He is just preparing us.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

But sometimes, we are so stubborn that we follow our own will. We even seek fortune tellers or even horoscopes for some. But little did we know, God’s timing is always perfect. He is in control.

Acts 1:7 It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority.

Ecc 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in His time. (MKJV)

It is always beautiful when we wait for His time. Sometimes, we feel God seems so distant because we keep on putting a question mark where God has put a period. He says he has plans to prosper us. But we keep on asking, “Really?” “When would that be?” We are so obsessed of our future. We want it to be secured. If there’d be insurance company offering a secured relationships, secured career, secured personal life, I’m sure many would avail it. But sad to say even educational plans don’t and did not guarantee a secured one, making plan holders go panicked. But there is one key I know – TRUST GOD’S PROVIDENCE.

Gal 6:9 So don't get tired of doing what is good. Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. (NIV)

When we pray, we do not expect to see the harvest right away, we have to seed first. Don’t get discouraged! Let us trust God’s perfect timing. He knows best when to give it to us.

There are three things God has taught me when we have unanswered prayers:

1.)It asks us to pray according to His will

James 4:3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you ask on your pleasure.

Maybe you are praying with a wrong motive. You may wish to be filthy rich, only because you want those who bullied you when you were in high school to see how far you have gone now. Or maybe you want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to boast off and show your friends that “Hey! I’ve got one.”

So always check our motives. Because wrong motive is the root to unanswered prayers. And ask yourself, if this prayer becomes answered, would it draw me closer to God? If no, stop praying for it. Stop fighting for it. There are things in life that are not worth fighting for. Now that we are in the presence of God, let us follow His ways. Let us not pursue our own will by going against His. What if it would only drag you away from the Light? What if it brings you to darkness? You know how hard it is when you walk in the dark. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be there again. No one wants.

How do we correct our wrong motives? First and foremost, by seeking God’s will. It is important that we consult the bible and secure a word from God. It is never safe to follow our own instincts. The safest place is always in the presence of the Lord.

Secondly, by humbling ourselves before God. Stop being self-centered. When they say, “FOCUS!” You do not focus on yourself. It must always be focus on God. And whatever that we ask for, it should never be for our own pleasure. It should always be for God’s Glory. Because if what we pray is for His glory alone, then with confidence, it will be given.

1 John 5:14-15 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything to His will, He will hear us.

2.)It tells us to trust in His ways

Now that we have sought His will, what is left for us is to TRUST.

Matthew 21:21-22 If you have faith and do not doubt . . . you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.

If we have God’s promise, we should never doubt. Didn’t you know that our God is a Mighty One? He is powerful and that nothing is impossible in Him. He is faithful, for it is also written, those who trusts in Him will never be put into shame. Prayer is not merely begging from God, but believing Him and His Word.

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? (NIV)

God has already given the best (Jesus Christ). How can he not give us the good and the better? Again, let us trust God.


3.)It allows us to worship while waiting.

I got inspired by the movie Fireproof, and its theme song While I’m Waiting.

Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait.
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship

When we have unanswered prayers, it is an opportunity to draw ourselves closer to God. And what the Lord desires is to be with us. So rejoice when your prayers don’t get answered right away, because you know God wants to spend more time with you!

This is the best time to refocus, to spend time with God. And when we wait for His time, it is like telling God that we trust Him. We humble ourselves when we stop striving to work out things on our own strength, because it is like telling God that we cannot do it, that He alone can.

- - -

Last week, my life group leader told me to make a word for Oct. 8's Dawn Watch. That would be two days from now. And because God has given me a submissive heart, I prepared this for that day. I asked God to help me on this, and sure enough, He even made this whole thing for me. I love You, Lord! But truly, I don't deserve to be standing there preaching God's word. Oh God, help.