at 2 PM
ME: Ella, tell Mama i'm just going to nap up until 4 or 5. please don't disturb.



...




...




at 8 PM
ME: Oh. CRAP :(




...and that's why i hate taking afternoon nap, i sleep as though it's bed time :D

Okay. I'm officially bored.

Either I'm bored or stressed when I make a lot of posts.

year of extreme fruitfulness and a season of pruning

You have redeemed me and have called me yours. You said You will be with me (Isaiah 43:1). However, You have to prune every branch that bears fruit so they will become more fruitful (John 15:1-2). In the same way, You have to cut whatever You find in me that will bring me no good. As for me, they don’t cause me harm. So I didn’t understand why You ever have to allow these painful things to happen to Your precious child. But You have Your own plans (Jeremiah 29:11). I cannot contend on that. Your thoughts are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9). Your plans are perfect. I have to give way so You can shield my way and make it perfect as well. It shall be You who will renew my strength (Psalm 18:30-32). You comforted me by assuring that one day I will understand everything clearly (Jeremiah 23:20), and that is more than enough.

The cost of being Your servant is way beyond than what I thought. Your every word pierces my deepest soul. One full step of submission and a thousand hops of giving up are just prerequisites. I held onto these things for so long until I got struck again when You asked me how much I love You (John 21:15). I had to remind myself that all those were never mine in the first place. You never asked me to give up all these things, but I know I have to if I want more of You, if I want to follow You (Luke 14:33). I just did but still, I cannot brag about my love for You, because You first love me.

Honestly, I was so broken when I surrendered everything to You, but I realized that when I gave You my heart, it is no longer broken for You are the creator of all things, so You know well how to fix a broken heart. And this battle is no longer mine but yours the moment I knelt down (Deuteronomy 20:4). I also believe that these tests are testimony in the making, and You will be greatly glorified (Romans 9:17). So now, I delight in Your presence. I find strength in You alone. I will rejoice in these trials (Psalm 105:3-4).

This coming year I’m getting ready for the possessions I’m about to receive (Joshua 1:11). You will bless me with best gifts and everlasting ones (Deuteronomy 33:13-16). You will answer me when I am in distress, You will give me the desire of my heart, and You will grant all my requests (Psalm 20). But I have to be careful not to boast these things (Ephesians 6:14). All glory to You. If I follow my own will, I will end up losing everything. I should learn to trust You completely, and not let my heart be troubled (John 14:1). I will take care of Your business, and You will take care of mine. Now that I know these things, I will be blessed if I follow all Your instructions (John 13:17).

Thank You. You have blessed me and have watched over my journey. You have been with me and I have not lacked anything (Deuteronomy 2:7). This 2010, Your LOVE restored me. Your love changed me and rubbed out the old me (2 Corinthians 5:17). For six joyous months, I was chained by Your grace. Your love never failed me. I won’t be surprised if You remain faithful and gracious to me this 2011. Joy will overflow my cup (John 15:9-11). I believe, I expect, and I received.

sis, don't be discouraged. be strong and be very courageous (Joshua 1:7). i believe in you. buri daka talagang mag-grow. please don't give up. God never gives up on you. be strong. okay? chu ku mu keni lagi para keka. enaku man mawala, i'll always be your 'ate'. pagpray daka lagi. be safe. i miss you so much sis.

Hate goodbyes.

I’m going to see you later. I should be excited like I used to whenever I see you *blushed*. But this time, I feel the roaring of my heart . . . Part of me doesn’t want to see you, for I know it would take half a year till I can talk to and be with you again after our 'walk & talk' later. You see, I don't wanna do this. I really don't. But I have to. I need to. Would it be the same after six months? Would it matter to you anyway? Aaaah! Idk what to think!!! Like this morning, I was composing a text message and it read: I can’t come later. I feel sick. Sorry. But that would be a lie. And an indication of me again not wanting to let go. Then a Voice spoke to me and told me not to be afraid. He is in control.

To You alone be the GLORY.

FOR YOU

I don’t know how to tell you this. Or I'm not sure if I have the courage enough to speak in front of you about this – call it ‘crazy’ – thing. Actually, I had decided not to tell you about it but . . . I know you’ll look for a reasonable explanation. And I was right.

The thing is . . . we can’t be friends anymore. Why? We just can’t be.

Okay, look. I so much enjoy being around you, our senseless talks, deepest concerns (though it doesn't show *laughs*). It feels good having someone I could run to whenever I'm feeling down. But that has to be stopped for now. I want to focus in loving God, making disciples, and making an impact to our world. But having you in the picture makes my motive shift on the left. I find it hard to obey Dad when it comes to you. I'm starting to become too much dependent and attached to you. He says no, I say yes. I’m no blessing to him.

Haaayyy. I feel guilty of this whole thing. Your intentions are pure. I remember when you came to me with a heavy heart, I wanted to give you a warm hug and make you feel everything will be alright. I want to be the best friend that you need. I want to be by your side each time you feel lonely. I want to. . . But I just can't.

So please don’t think you’re of no importance to me. You mean sooooooo much to me. But I have to give you up. I have to surrender everything. Besides, I trust God’s perfect time. He’ll bring us back together . . . our friendship and . . . sisterhood :D


I’m going to miss you, sis. I do now.

Actually, you didn't have to lie... You could have just told me the truth why you had to leave early, why you had to be home so soon. But I understand :D

I WANT!!!


source

nananawagan po ako sa nanalo ng 700 M lotto jackpot... wala man po ita sa 1% ng pinanalunan nyo. bday and christmas gift nyo na po saken. buong buhay kong tatanawin na malaking utang na loob sa inyo toh. maraming salamat po :)

FORGIVENESS

"with great repentance comes great joy."

we're all sinners, i mean all of us fall short of GoD's glory. who does not sin anyway? sin is always there. but GoD is everywhere. and i realized that we cannot resist from sinning using our own strength. i am too weak to fight temptations. but GoD never said i'll have to do it alone. i feel sorry when i didn't bother to ask for His help. in my attempt to prove to Him that i am His child, His ever faithful child, I FAILED. GoD will provide you the strength to overcome trials. He will send a Counselor to walk with you.

yesterday, i thought of focusing more on repentance. i want to humble myself before the Lord. i was thinking of what other way i can express my deep sincerity. if i really am sorry, i have to be sincere enough. it has to be wholehearted sorry. then i decided to go on fasting. that meant no meal for 24 hours. so immediately cooked one hard boiled egg for my dinner and last meal. but my faithfulness is always being tested. this morning, i woke up and found my mom cooking fried chicken. I've told her before that i can live eating fried chicken the rest of my life. lol. and in my 22nd hour of fasting, my mom brought me burger McDo meal. i pretended that i liked it. but i had to keep it away from me :( then i reminded myself of the word integrity :)

last night, someone texted me. and that someone was somehow the reason of my unfaithfulness. well he was just asking about something. thinking it was just nothing, i replied, and i replied, and i replied. that alarmed me. so i included the usage of cellphone as part of my fasting. for 24 hours, i won't check my cellphone for any messages. i sent him the notice that I'll be temporarily off from using my cellphone effective until today 6 PM. i thought at least that the expectancy of him sending me a message within 24 hours will be out of my system. that way, i could focus more. it has got to be turned off actually, but i needed it to play some worship songs during my devotion time. but nonetheless, it is kept inside my drawer. it felt strange because for the first time, i went downstairs without bringing it with me. but it felt also good. less distractions the more focused i was.

and as i say grace this 6:01 PM, my words almost broke into sobs. i wanted to cry while eating my double cheese burger. it has never been this delicious. aaaaahhhh. thank You, Lord. this is not much that i could offer. this is not much compare to what You have done for me. i so love You!

Children of mine. You are a child of mine. PLEASE CALL HOME. - GOD

in case you do not know yet, we've got an awesome Dad. the moment that you received Jesus in your life, you allow yourself to have your adoption be legalized by GoD. we are part of the family. and so why worry about tomorrow? you are not an orphan. you have a Father watching over you. when you were a kid, your mom gets easily awakened by your simple coo, and she readily hands you your needs. how much more to GoD? GoD is always awake. He never sleeps so we may sleep peacefully. and each time He hears you call out His name, won't you think He wouldn't be in the state of rush to hand you your needs? even before we open our mouths and utter our requests, He already knows our needs. you may not realize, but just like any other father, He'd been waiting for you to call Him your Dad, your Heavenly Father. He'd been waiting to bless your life abundantly. if you feel you are so much blessed now, you might be limiting His love. there is so much He could offer to you, if you may just allow (:

Dad, i realize that Your grace is all i need. your grace is sufficient. i thank You for choosing me, for having my name in Your record book. thank You for bothering to care. You could have just let me be where i was before. But You still chose to bless me. thank You for reminding me that i am Your child. i'm glad You've found me. and oh, i heard there was a feast up there the day i came back to You. You love me so much, don't you? *blushed*

with this, i want to express my heartfelt gratitude to Jesus, lamb of GoD. through Your blood, we are saved. worthy is Your name! all glory to You! (:


*photo not mine, credits to Google images.

Give Love This Christmas.

While my fingers start babbling about this love, a song is echoing in my ears, and it goes like. . . Even the man who has everything would be so happy if you would bring him love on Christmas Day. . . Everyone needs love. It is actually the best gift you can give. And love is spelled as T- I- M- E. Yes, I spelled it right. What better way to give love is to know the value of time. Human clock would tell you the difference between day and night. However it won't remind you every hour that has been passing. But love wouldn't waste even a single minute. would it? Something that is beyond human circadian biological clock's ability. For some, they don’t find it necessary to wear a watch. Well, you surely have your mobile phone. Or you may deliberately glance every now and then with somebody else’s wrist to check on the time. But these schemes don’t always work, especially if your phone’s battery got drained or you see no one in the room who bothers to wear a watch that day. Unfortunately, that's what usually happens to me.

I really don't purchase my own watch. I've always been getting it as present from my friends. This year, Red gave me the white one (I so love the gems). But I had to replace it as soon as it stopped ticking. Thanks to Jacq who immediately rescued my wrist from wearing a nonfunctional with a black one. However, guilty up to now, I accidentally dropped it and had it broken :( From then on, I stopped wearing one. My confession: I am waiting for a thoughtful friend to give me one. Lol. I feel extra happy when I wear a watch given by someone else. It's telling me that "I love you so I'm giving you time". But to this date, it seems like no one has thought of wrapping it all up for me. And so I appeal before you, Santa, that all I want for Christmas is LOVE. And I meant a watch (:

i could feel the joy and excitement while i imagine myself tearing gift wrappers, holding crisps (money), and greeting everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS with great enthusiasm. oh i so love holidays!!! though i do get a year older every Christmas eve. lol (:

i believe that this Christmas will be one of the best! GoD has been so good to me this year. Yihee!

I'D RATHER LOSE YOU NOW,
THAN LOSE YOU FOREVER.

away.

i don't want to be away.

i asked GoD why do i have to be here? i mean what's my purpose in this place? am i tasked to win souls here? yesterday, i slept as early as 5 PM. well that's supposedly just a nap. i was surprised as soon as i was brought back to consciousness and checked the time on my phone, it's 6AM!!! that's a big time REST huh? well it's freaking cold in HK. not to mention my very low cold temperature tolerance. maybe that's sounds like i'm doing nothing here...

last month, i thought of flying to Dubai. three weeks ago, i thought of applying at Qatar Airways as flight attendant. two weeks ago, i considered another local airline. you see, i wanted to be away! it's not that i'm hiding from someone, nor soul-searching-kind-of-drama. i just need a job. i need to provide for my family. and you know what GoD said when i told Him that? "What? Did i hear it right? You're going to provide? Have you forgotten, I am GoD, the Great Provider." that echoed to my ear over and over again. i couldn't answer back, but found myself crying while uttering 'sorry' for like 20 times.

now that i'm away, i think GoD made me realize one thing: I DON'T WANT TO BE AWAY. i miss church. i miss fellowship. i miss everything that reminds me of GoD's greatness. i'm not saying that the presence of GoD is not in HK. it's just that i was in Philippines when i fell in love with Him, when i experienced His grace, where i heard Him calling my name. to serve Him. to serve His people. thank You for this privilege. thank You for allowing me to be here. i don't want to be away.

It's so real.

It's so real. Like yesterday I woke up at 6.30 AM (this is surprising, I usually wake up just in time for lunch), I tried to go back to sleep but ended up thinking about what has been happening the past few days, and I started sobbing again . How can it be so real? I mean, yes I’ve been praying for this. I just didn't expect it would be this soon. So soon. By faith, I know it would happen after 2 or 3 years. I think that's what I failed to mention in my prayer, well, I intentionally missed that part because I always trust in GoD’s perfect time.

Until now, I cry in awe when I think about my partial answered prayer. I had been just dreaming about it. The very reason why I got convicted when I heard our pastor say, "Don't imagine. PRAY!" :)

But I know it's not yet the right time. I know. Maybe GoD wants me to realize that He won’t withhold the good things I deserve. No need to worry. I just have to focus for now. Sabi nga ni Kuya Ru, "Ali pa ngeni". and while he was saying that, I wanted to hide my face in fear that he might discern what I was going through that moment :P nah, he's so favored, so there's no way he wouldn't know (hmpt).



*remind to self: 'WAG HALUAN.

be a blessing...

heard this many times. don't do that, don't do this. sometimes i wonder, am i not? that's a good question. making a decision is part of our daily activities, it happens every hour, every minute, and every other second (i don't think you can make one in a second, hmmm okay okay, except during adrenaline rush). people are vulnerable in choosing the wrong decision. so like a preschooler, i always have to ask my mentors if i can do this and that. it's like cracking the whole me. well, i actually have the choice to go on my own and do whatever pleases me to do. but i still won't choose to do that. i know, i know well, if i follow my own desire, i would end up losing EVERYTHING.



i want to be a blessing...

i appreciate you 10x more than the lotto jackpot prize! :)

Glory to You!

After a month or two of ministering, today's 2nd service 3-6 y/o kids' cell had been very successful. This is all because of the Holy Spirit working withing us. Thank You, thank You for Your faithfulness! All glory to You! :))) we love You!!!

He is my Strength

These trials are made to happen so I can draw myself closer to Him. He knows I'm weak when I am here. But for when I am weak, I am strong and that His power works mightily in my life. He put me here, but I know, He'll provide a way out.

my friends know that i am no good in memorizing...
but i can memorize the features of your face,
the outline of your every sides,
the perfect shape of your eyes,
the smoothness of your face.
i wouldn't mind taking that quiz.
i easily get bored...
but i can stare at you forever.
i wouldn't mind looking at you for an hour or two.
i wouldn't mind being with you all day doing nothing.
i wouldn't mind if you drag me to places i never wanted to be.
i wouldn't mind at all.
i don't like sudden change of plans...
but if you ask me to go out my way,
i wouldn't mind.
i hate watching animes...
but i would watch all those films
if that's what it takes to enter 'your world'.
i hate late...
but i wouldn't mind waiting for you for half an hour or so.
i wouldn't mind even if you can't come and have to look after your baby sister.
i wouldn't mind waiting for you forever.
i wouldn't mind at all.

if i die...

i want all my clothes be given to my sister, Ella...
my cellphone back to my brother, Mike. and maybe he's gonna give it to my dad.
my other things to my mother, she loves using my bags and shoes.
my bible and spiritual books to Ella, so she'd know about my Savior.


if i die...

i want all organs be donated to those who need it. and maybe spare my kidney for my dad, in case he might need it.


if i die...

i want my friends to testify how their lives changed when they met my Savior.
i want my leader to tell how my life changed because of my Savior.


if i die...

i want "heart of worship" and other songs by hillsongs be played during my wake, led by praise and worship team from HL church.
and if it's not too much to ask, i want our youth pastor to preach on my last day.


if i die...

i want to be clothed with pure white dress.
i want everybody who goes to my wake to wear white as well.
and in my funeral, too.
i want them to hold white balloons on our way to my grave and let it go as my casket is being lowered in the ground.


if i die...

and i am about to marry, i want my fiance to find another girl whom he will love more than he has loved me.


if i die..

and i am married, i want my husband to find a wife again whom he will love more than he has loved me, but not greater than his love for our children.


if i die...

and neither i am engaged nor married, i want the one i love to know that i am sorry.
i am sorry if i haven't found him, and that i haven't had enough time to look for him. . .
till we meet again :)

boy: hey. i saw you at the party last time.

girl: (really?) then why didn't you say hi?

boy: i tried. but you never looked.

girl: (I DID. but you never noticed) maybe i was too busy chatting with friends.

Dear Friend,

I'm working on a case study. Yes I am. I actually have the pathophysiology in my mind, but I'm not through with it yet. Oh. I'm sorry if I bother You this late, but. . . I can't even start! :'( I'm not even sure if I could meet the deadline. And looking at my calendar, I've got loads of appointments these coming days. Dawn Watch every Wednesdays. (I'll see You, okay? Great. Wake me up :D) Life group every Thursdays. Classes every Saturdays, then straight to the church for Youth Gig Celebration and Discipleship. Sunday is church day again (could watch basketball game if You would allow). October 26, 27, and 28 training on IVT. October 30 theory presentation in class. November 5 DFA again. Submission of manuscript on the 6th. PRC registration by the 10th day of next month. 23rd back to DFA again, then be with sister for a week. I'm not complaining, no never. Don't want to praise my Enemy. But You see, I feel pressured! Not to mention the expenses I have to spend in all these activities, I know You will provide. Aaaah. Just looking at these lineups, it's exhausting! Yes, you heard me right. I need rest. I need your comfort. I need You. Do not hide from me :'(

Do not mind much about my manifesto. I'm reading Kuya Ru's book A Date With The One. I think that would be a big help. The author's close to you by the way. So that gives me the confidence that You co-authored in that book. But I ask you to tap my shoulder each time I make the wrong move. Because I tend to get emotional at times. I know I shouldn't be deceived with my feelings. Remind me of it, please. I pray for an excellent spirit. Please? Grant me as well the gift of wisdom. So I'd know how to walk in the midst of trials. Uhm, yes. It's hurting me. But. . . It's alright. Let the pain remain if it's the only way. . .

Thanks for the message Your Father has sent. Uhm. Could You tell me exactly what to do? I say NO to bad decision. But I'm not sure which one is right :'( I don't want to follow my own ways...my own desires. I want to act right. I want everything You have written for my life to be fulfilled. I want You to direct my life. . . Oh! It's getting late. Till then! I hope You get this letter ASAP. Thanks :D

♥ shey

PS: Please write back. You know where to find me :D

l-o-v-e

have you ever fallen for someone who can't love you back? it's the most horrible feeling. it eats you. it leads you to a trap. you know it well but you still follow. it cracks your chest inside, and it messes with your mind. you try all the remedies to forget about that person, but you ended up loving him more. he never asks for anything. but you willingly give a piece of you. but it never even has given you the satisfaction of loving him, because he will never know. and his heart already belongs to someone else which took the longest for you to realize that. you can never have him, and he can never love you. how stupid that love is! he ignores you but you never get tired of it. you just love everything about him. the worst part is that he does nothing to make you fall in love. LOVE TAKES HOSTAGES. it kills innocent hearts and torn them into pieces. until only a little piece is left in you, and his name is still in that little thing. it kills you again, until it leaves no more. it drags your emotions to the deepest sea. it drowns you of your longing, and it can never be resolved. love gets into your soul. not just in mind, you find yourself preoccupied with the thoughts of having him. you curse the day that you fell in love with him, but you often find yourself thinking about those days. wanting them to happen once again. hatred lingers when you don't see him, and tell yourself never would i ever come near to that man. but you know that when he comes near and talks to you, every pain, every sleepless nights, every tears, were all worth everything. . . and it amazingly mends your broken heart.

it is better that i keep silent. and may the LORD teach my heart to become silent as well. i hate it that i can't to talk to Him at night without my pillow getting sloppy :'(

DISCONNECTED

i so love the ministry i was in. we connect people to God. we do it to help bring people back to God. as simple as it may sound, but there's a deeper connection once you started to look what you do in a different way. when you get to talk to the "first-timers", as we call them, you could right away feel the anointing. it is there because you know God is using you.

So why did i ever have to leave this ministry? now that I'm getting to love the team, now that I am enjoying what i do. oh this is crazy, i know well the answer. just trying to make an illogical one! (see how much it bothers me?)

But Dan's right. i should obey. enough with the excuses i try to come up with just to stick on connect. he thinks that I'm better off not being part of the team. or being used in another ministry. he knows best.


say hello to KiDs! :D

i fell in love with these :(





why did i ever ignore you and take you for granted when my world had in abundance to give? now i want you so bad, CHUCKS :(

Unanswered prayers

Maybe some of you have been praying for a financial breakthrough, or maybe a car, perfect partner, and all sorts of things the world has in abundance. But the question is, why can't it be yours?

There is a story where a happy-go-lucky college student boy who is from a well-off family, and can get whatever he wants asked his father for a car as a birthday present. He grumbled that among his friends, he was the only one who doesn’t own a car. Then his father told him, “I can’t give you that, son.” “Why? What is half a million for you? You can earn that in a month or less. That is so unfair!” “Son, how can I let you have one? You don’t have a license yet and you don’t even know how to drive.”

As a father, he won’t let anything harmful happen to his son. Likewise, God won’t give it to us if we are not yet ready. It doesn’t mean He is saying NO to it. He is just preparing us.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

But sometimes, we are so stubborn that we follow our own will. We even seek fortune tellers or even horoscopes for some. But little did we know, God’s timing is always perfect. He is in control.

Acts 1:7 It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority.

Ecc 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in His time. (MKJV)

It is always beautiful when we wait for His time. Sometimes, we feel God seems so distant because we keep on putting a question mark where God has put a period. He says he has plans to prosper us. But we keep on asking, “Really?” “When would that be?” We are so obsessed of our future. We want it to be secured. If there’d be insurance company offering a secured relationships, secured career, secured personal life, I’m sure many would avail it. But sad to say even educational plans don’t and did not guarantee a secured one, making plan holders go panicked. But there is one key I know – TRUST GOD’S PROVIDENCE.

Gal 6:9 So don't get tired of doing what is good. Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. (NIV)

When we pray, we do not expect to see the harvest right away, we have to seed first. Don’t get discouraged! Let us trust God’s perfect timing. He knows best when to give it to us.

There are three things God has taught me when we have unanswered prayers:

1.)It asks us to pray according to His will

James 4:3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you ask on your pleasure.

Maybe you are praying with a wrong motive. You may wish to be filthy rich, only because you want those who bullied you when you were in high school to see how far you have gone now. Or maybe you want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to boast off and show your friends that “Hey! I’ve got one.”

So always check our motives. Because wrong motive is the root to unanswered prayers. And ask yourself, if this prayer becomes answered, would it draw me closer to God? If no, stop praying for it. Stop fighting for it. There are things in life that are not worth fighting for. Now that we are in the presence of God, let us follow His ways. Let us not pursue our own will by going against His. What if it would only drag you away from the Light? What if it brings you to darkness? You know how hard it is when you walk in the dark. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be there again. No one wants.

How do we correct our wrong motives? First and foremost, by seeking God’s will. It is important that we consult the bible and secure a word from God. It is never safe to follow our own instincts. The safest place is always in the presence of the Lord.

Secondly, by humbling ourselves before God. Stop being self-centered. When they say, “FOCUS!” You do not focus on yourself. It must always be focus on God. And whatever that we ask for, it should never be for our own pleasure. It should always be for God’s Glory. Because if what we pray is for His glory alone, then with confidence, it will be given.

1 John 5:14-15 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything to His will, He will hear us.

2.)It tells us to trust in His ways

Now that we have sought His will, what is left for us is to TRUST.

Matthew 21:21-22 If you have faith and do not doubt . . . you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.

If we have God’s promise, we should never doubt. Didn’t you know that our God is a Mighty One? He is powerful and that nothing is impossible in Him. He is faithful, for it is also written, those who trusts in Him will never be put into shame. Prayer is not merely begging from God, but believing Him and His Word.

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? (NIV)

God has already given the best (Jesus Christ). How can he not give us the good and the better? Again, let us trust God.


3.)It allows us to worship while waiting.

I got inspired by the movie Fireproof, and its theme song While I’m Waiting.

Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait.
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship

When we have unanswered prayers, it is an opportunity to draw ourselves closer to God. And what the Lord desires is to be with us. So rejoice when your prayers don’t get answered right away, because you know God wants to spend more time with you!

This is the best time to refocus, to spend time with God. And when we wait for His time, it is like telling God that we trust Him. We humble ourselves when we stop striving to work out things on our own strength, because it is like telling God that we cannot do it, that He alone can.

- - -

Last week, my life group leader told me to make a word for Oct. 8's Dawn Watch. That would be two days from now. And because God has given me a submissive heart, I prepared this for that day. I asked God to help me on this, and sure enough, He even made this whole thing for me. I love You, Lord! But truly, I don't deserve to be standing there preaching God's word. Oh God, help.

The kind of GRACE. . .

Grace is when you don’t deserve it, but God allows it to be in your hands. It’s like finally gasping air without even realizing that you were holding it for seconds. This is the kind of grace that will put you down on your knees, crying out for His name.

I don’t deserve all these. I am not worthy to receive these. But through His grace, He made it all possible and wonderful. His name shall be lifted high, as high as the clouds until it reaches the heaven’s gate. I will bring glory to Him all the days of my life, all my life until eternity, where I can be at Home, with my Father’s loving presence.

GRACE!!!

Roll of Successful Examinees in the
NURSE LICENSURE EXAMINATION
Held on JULY 3 & 4, 2010
Released on AUGUST 27, 2010

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!

should. must. would.

strange how we let things slip away. but it must be a lot strange when you try to let go of something or someone you never had. and yet, you're too afraid to lose it. it's like you don't want to lose it. but you actually can't have it. and never had it in the first place. it seems painful, but you wonder if it is caused by the thought of losing it, or the reality that there is nothing to lose at all because it wasn't really yours. sounds familiar? please go on reading. sounds stupid? stop right here.

well, i myself find it stupid. so i'm going to stop here.



i should look away. i must forget. and i would obey.

HOW DID I LEARN ABOUT THE HISTORY OF KOREA. . .

DAILY ACTIVITY REPORT
Teacher's Name: Shey Date: 7/29/10 Time: 2:00-2:50
Type of Class: Individual Name of Student: Amber
Subject: Conversation
Book Used: Teen Talk 2 Pages: -
Summary of Lesson Discussed: -
Homework Given: -




Shey: Hi Amber! You have your homework?
Amber: Teacher, Teacher Chard told me that in Philippines, there are only two weathers: Hot and Super Hot. Is it true?
S: (laughs) he told you that?... No... blah blah blah... (I explained)
A: Oh, so it doesn't snow here?
S: Nooooo.
A: You never saw a snow?
S: Neeevvvveer.
A: Only in TV?
S: Yes.
A: In Korea, there are four weathers... blah blah blah... (She described each weather)
S: (nodssssss)
A: It snows a lot. . .
S: Tell me more about the snow. (And she put an emphasis on the word "more")
A: Because in Korea, we have... two parts... (she grabbed her pen and started to doodle) North Korea and South Korea. Because... in 1960 people from North and South have... (put her fist together)
S: War?
A: Yes!!! So we had war... because in North Korea, they don't have a president. Not like in America, President Obama. But there, only the grand grand grand grand father (She drew a head and an arrow pointing to another head, then an arrow, head, and so on and so forth)... and when he dies, his son will become the next....uhm... next...
S: Ruler?
A: Yes. But it's different. Not President. You know Russia?
S: Yes. So?
A: Before... Russia had the same... with North Korea. So N. Korea copied old Russia. So it's very hard to go to North Korea because... Their leader is very stict. They treat people like... example, in South Korea, if I work more, I will have more money. And if I work little, I'll have little money. But in North, you work hard or you work less, same money. Because their place is just poor. and children in North Korea cross China. Because (she drew again)... Between China and N. Korea, there is a river. and you can pass here and go to China. But if the soldiers... see you... (put her fist together again)... you'll die. Uhmmm. So North Korea is poorer than South Korea...
S: Oh...
A: In Korea, Seoul is like Manila here. (She wrote again, I thought she'll draw another irregular shape, she spelled Seoul for me) S-E-U-O-L, oh no. S-O-E-U-L. ah! I don't know. the E, O, U can change positions. Just it's the... of Korea.
S: Capital?
A: Yes. (She finally paused)
S: So amber, tell me about the snow...?
A: (LAUGHS) Oh!
and we were both laughing really hard that we almost fell off our chairs. hahaha. until she finally said about snow the Korea:
A: Snow in South is different from North Korea. It's thicker in North Korea.

and that was her answer. i so love this student.

(that was our lesson for the day - SNOW. tsk2)

My Manifesto With God (Part 1)

i have to be honest, signing manifesto was not easy. it took a lot of strength. i was in a 2-year relationship before i signed. and like any other relationship, well i suppose, trials come after trial. yes we always fight. love quarrel became the synonym of our relationship, breaking up became a routine. why can't we solve things? why can't we straighten everything up? then one major problem attacked us. my weakest point in life (sorry can't blog it here). we tried to fight for that L-O-V-E that we have. but things didn't work out fine. we ended up hurting each other. and so... well you may guess what happened next: operation cool-off #817.

so i'm back to being alone again. no companion. it felt like nobody understood me. no one sympathized what i was going through. i was the only one who saw that something was wrong in our relationship. something is wrong with me and with the things around me. and i can't figure out what it was. it seemed like i was on my own with that battle. it was a terrible feeling.

then one time, i mingled with my old friends and sat next to them. they were sharing stories i couldn't relate with. so while they were happily chitchatting, a puzzle in my mind was popping up. these creatures looked content, looked seemingly at peace. what an unfair circumstance! as days passed, i figured out what they are into. they're busy with Someone. i thought of coming with them.

first Saturday of June when i joined them. "this is what they do... worshiping", i thought to myself. many young people were there, about 250 heads i think. some are younger than our age. and they aren't playing. they were as serious as the rest. after the gig ended, i felt different. i was on cloud 9. the preacher did not do stand up comedy or what. he just spoke the Word of God. and it was so powerful. "i'll do this again."

surrounding myself to people close to God was really amazing. i almost forgot that i have a battle that time. or maybe i just learned that it is not my battle, never mine, but His. i stopped fighting for it because once you surrendered everything to Him, you just have to battle in prayer. and God will be in control of everything. just trust in Him, and you'll surely find comfort in His love.

after almost a month of worshiping, i realized that this is what i need - God's comfort. this is what makes me truly happy. i decided to commit myself to Him again. because in the first place, we belong to Him. and after that decision, i heard about the manifesto thing. it's like God is asking me to finally legalize our relationship :) why would i say no to this? all i hear from within me is YES. i was very determined to sign. until a friend came to me [who's also in manifesto] and said, "have your word first". hearing that, i felt nervous. it sounded like this is not as easy as what you think, sey. so i prayed for that word. my friends also prayed for me. i prayed to God. He knows where my heart belongs. i begged Him that i really want this.

one day, my beloved friends and i prayed together (which we always do). and everyone was asked of their personal intentions. so i asked them to pray for me that i may receive the word. after that, i went to the mall and passed by the bookstore. i stood in front the Bible section and grabbed one. i prayed before opening it. then randomly, i turned the page. it stopped on Ecclesiastes' page. i read the passage and it seemed to have no connection. i closed the Bible, and opened it once more. then without looking which book i was into, i read another verses. it read: When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! whoah! that was a big time blow! God's really talking to me. when i looked at the page, it was from ECCLESIASTES 5:4 (NIV). i shook my head, and yes it was the same page i first turned and ignored. God really wanted to tell me this :) wow! His words are very powerful.

so when i came back to our church, JUNE 26, 2010, i excitedly signed the contract.

I, the undersigned, commit before Jesus, my Lord and my Savior, before man and my peers or classmates, that I will withhold myself from entering into a boyfriend relationshp for one (1) year because I would like to give my undivided attention to loving and serving God. This means that:

1) I will abstain from courtship and dating.
2) I will abstain from sexual intercourse, petting, necking, kissing (on the lips)and any indiscreet contact with any person.

THIS IS WHAT GOD WANTS. THIS IS HIS PLAN FOR ME.
it felt. . . great! i will not stop praising God. my body and soul will be sanctified for the glory of God. and tomorrow is our first monthsary :) and i couldn't count anymore the bountiful blessings that He has showered upon me for the past 30 days. He even has left a promise to me, which i know [in 101% faith] will be fulfilled:

I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40)

but it did not end here. . . till then!

How He loves us...

Thank You God for being with me all the time. Thank you for waking me up at 3:30 AM. You whispered to my ears, "Get up, for I must send you on your way." and so I calmly stood up and prepare myself for the big day.

As i stepped foot on the testing center, You reminded me of Your presence once again, "Do not be afraid for I am with you". We went to my assigned room (518) and as i entered, Your voice reassured me once more that You are not going anywhere. I sat and prayed.

How great is Your love!

Thank You God. It was You who chose the right answers, who shaded the letter of Your choice. You even woke me up when i fell asleep. Those questions were nothing compared to how much more You can do. well i find them really hard, but You taught me how to cheat; You highlighted the correct answers for me to see them clearly! Thank You!

After the exam, I cried to you. it isn't because of the difficulties i've encountered during the exam. remember it was You who answered. I cried because I'm glad. my heart is glad. i cannot explain why. all i know is i'm with You. and i can feel Your love.

and now i have to remind myself not to fear. isn't it You told us not to worry? so i'm asking for Your divine intercession to always remind me of Your promise, God. You will be with us till the end =)

indeed, it is not about the 500 item exam. it is the process. how it changed every part of me. You are more than those items. I thank You for using me to comfort the souls of my batchmates. thank You for allowing me experience Your amazing grace! and as i promised, i will bring back all the glory to You!!! i so love You!

piles of mess memories

after 16 long years of being a student, i now stand on the pinnacle of my success as a graduate. part of the post academic year thingy is finally disposing all the trash i'd been keeping for so long. other stuffs were products of my elementary years. i know, i'm have an o.c personality. compulsive hoarding of worthless things. and so now, it's time to let go... yihee! but it wasn't easy. i suffered in ambivalent feeling before i finally surrendered them all to the garbage collector.

well all these craps are not just one big mess, they gave me great memories and i'll surely laugh at all these after a decade. actually i'm smiling now. i miss being a student.

This is the first scrap book i made when i was still sophomore. i still have it. it's for keeps =)

darkness.

almost perfect. i wiped my face with a towel. i had to make sure my eyes are not reddened and puffed. i had to go and eat, 'twas past lunch time. but i ended up walking back to my room. i locked the door and silently sat on my bed. i was quiet for a minute or two thinking of nothing. i could not even hear the noise of construction operation behind my room. i moved an inch, and slowly assumed a fetal position unconsciously. i guess it was the regression part most depressed patients demonstrate. but i'm no psycho!

i closed my eyes just as soon as i felt the tears bursting out of my eyes. hell. i was stupid to think that i could stop it from falling down on my cheeks. still, i managed to keep my eyes closed. i don't want to see anything. just these dark whirling halos. there was a moment of relief. but it did not last for more than half a minute. thinking that i should not be thinking of anything else but those halos made me think of it again. this time, there was no way i could stop the tears. it was even senseless to try to wipe every drop. i could not remember how it stopped. i just realized that there were no halos anymore. i opened my eyes. and darkness covered my room again.

i went out of my room and walked straight to the kitchen. i cannot deny the presence of growling noise in my stomach. just in time for dinner.

almost perfect.
and i almost believed.

LSS: maybe you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive...

summer means vacation!

everyone living in this island could feel the breeze of summer (well i suppose?). how about dreaming of a perfect place to relax and enjoy the cool wind as you explore the coastlines. oooh. i am so craving for a vacation! can anyone suggest a good place??? =)