FORGIVENESS
"with great repentance comes great joy."
we're all sinners, i mean all of us fall short of GoD's glory. who does not sin anyway? sin is always there. but GoD is everywhere. and i realized that we cannot resist from sinning using our own strength. i am too weak to fight temptations. but GoD never said i'll have to do it alone. i feel sorry when i didn't bother to ask for His help. in my attempt to prove to Him that i am His child, His ever faithful child, I FAILED. GoD will provide you the strength to overcome trials. He will send a Counselor to walk with you.
yesterday, i thought of focusing more on repentance. i want to humble myself before the Lord. i was thinking of what other way i can express my deep sincerity. if i really am sorry, i have to be sincere enough. it has to be wholehearted sorry. then i decided to go on fasting. that meant no meal for 24 hours. so immediately cooked one hard boiled egg for my dinner and last meal. but my faithfulness is always being tested. this morning, i woke up and found my mom cooking fried chicken. I've told her before that i can live eating fried chicken the rest of my life. lol. and in my 22nd hour of fasting, my mom brought me burger McDo meal. i pretended that i liked it. but i had to keep it away from me :( then i reminded myself of the word integrity :)
last night, someone texted me. and that someone was somehow the reason of my unfaithfulness. well he was just asking about something. thinking it was just nothing, i replied, and i replied, and i replied. that alarmed me. so i included the usage of cellphone as part of my fasting. for 24 hours, i won't check my cellphone for any messages. i sent him the notice that I'll be temporarily off from using my cellphone effective until today 6 PM. i thought at least that the expectancy of him sending me a message within 24 hours will be out of my system. that way, i could focus more. it has got to be turned off actually, but i needed it to play some worship songs during my devotion time. but nonetheless, it is kept inside my drawer. it felt strange because for the first time, i went downstairs without bringing it with me. but it felt also good. less distractions the more focused i was.
and as i say grace this 6:01 PM, my words almost broke into sobs. i wanted to cry while eating my double cheese burger. it has never been this delicious. aaaaahhhh. thank You, Lord. this is not much that i could offer. this is not much compare to what You have done for me. i so love You!
yesterday, i thought of focusing more on repentance. i want to humble myself before the Lord. i was thinking of what other way i can express my deep sincerity. if i really am sorry, i have to be sincere enough. it has to be wholehearted sorry. then i decided to go on fasting. that meant no meal for 24 hours. so immediately cooked one hard boiled egg for my dinner and last meal. but my faithfulness is always being tested. this morning, i woke up and found my mom cooking fried chicken. I've told her before that i can live eating fried chicken the rest of my life. lol. and in my 22nd hour of fasting, my mom brought me burger McDo meal. i pretended that i liked it. but i had to keep it away from me :( then i reminded myself of the word integrity :)
last night, someone texted me. and that someone was somehow the reason of my unfaithfulness. well he was just asking about something. thinking it was just nothing, i replied, and i replied, and i replied. that alarmed me. so i included the usage of cellphone as part of my fasting. for 24 hours, i won't check my cellphone for any messages. i sent him the notice that I'll be temporarily off from using my cellphone effective until today 6 PM. i thought at least that the expectancy of him sending me a message within 24 hours will be out of my system. that way, i could focus more. it has got to be turned off actually, but i needed it to play some worship songs during my devotion time. but nonetheless, it is kept inside my drawer. it felt strange because for the first time, i went downstairs without bringing it with me. but it felt also good. less distractions the more focused i was.
and as i say grace this 6:01 PM, my words almost broke into sobs. i wanted to cry while eating my double cheese burger. it has never been this delicious. aaaaahhhh. thank You, Lord. this is not much that i could offer. this is not much compare to what You have done for me. i so love You!
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