absence of a sign
the background: it's reasonably vague if God wanted me to fight still or lay down arms. i don't know. the way i see it, either attack would undeniably hurt! and to stop this agony, i need a reason to go on. a reason to beleive. but there were no alarm bells went off. pretty brainless, was i just too blind to see? nah. i really need a break free from this mental furrow. and i couldn't think of a logical way how to get my heart unstuck!
the key: just today, i asked God for signs. i'm not really an enthusiast or a fan [or whatever you may want to call] of soliciting for signs. something like that. but i got inspired by a friend who often asks for it, and tell you, it usually happens. i told God that if these things happen, it means there's still a reason to hold on. so, to see for myself [and before i get my brain ceased], i asked for the almost-impossible things...
1) any dough in the kitchen for dinner/snack
2) it'll rain hard
3) he'll call before 12mn
the first two surely won't happen because: for the past week, mom doesn't mind buying bread anymore; the clouds are fine and it's too hot, i mean, it ain't going to rain. what is most likely to happen is the last sign i asked, except for the fact that there's a cut off time... past evening, i was hushed in my bed (staring blankly on my hap book), and was already losing hope when suddenly, IT DID RAIN. the weird part there was, the rain was as hard as typhoon, yet, it only lasted for 10 minutes or so. the bewilderment didn't end just there...by ten o'clock, MY MOM WENT HOME WITH A BOX OF DOUGHNUTS. what the?! there's only one sign left - he has to call. but i guess, that won't make sense anymore...coz even if he does, it's already 2:16 in the morning. and so i decided to give him a call instead (ugh! breaking the rules again), then i found out that our telephone line was just cut off. that really stung!
the answer: what does it mean? does the absence of one sign mean i should move on and leave everything i used to have? would it hurt if God gave the last sign? if then, why did He let the other two to happen? ok. i'll try to answer my questions... well, maybe he was trying to call and really made it before 12. but look, God is so clever: He let the heavy rain pour, not to justify sign #2, but to actually withhold the "call" by cutting off the line. clear rationale eh? and the dough? He just felt filling in my empty stomach. =) God. i love You. well, i guess...i'm starting to make sense now. is this a sign of learning to move on? hope so.
the background: it's reasonably vague if God wanted me to fight still or lay down arms. i don't know. the way i see it, either attack would undeniably hurt! and to stop this agony, i need a reason to go on. a reason to beleive. but there were no alarm bells went off. pretty brainless, was i just too blind to see? nah. i really need a break free from this mental furrow. and i couldn't think of a logical way how to get my heart unstuck!
the key: just today, i asked God for signs. i'm not really an enthusiast or a fan [or whatever you may want to call] of soliciting for signs. something like that. but i got inspired by a friend who often asks for it, and tell you, it usually happens. i told God that if these things happen, it means there's still a reason to hold on. so, to see for myself [and before i get my brain ceased], i asked for the almost-impossible things...
1) any dough in the kitchen for dinner/snack
2) it'll rain hard
3) he'll call before 12mn
the first two surely won't happen because: for the past week, mom doesn't mind buying bread anymore; the clouds are fine and it's too hot, i mean, it ain't going to rain. what is most likely to happen is the last sign i asked, except for the fact that there's a cut off time... past evening, i was hushed in my bed (staring blankly on my hap book), and was already losing hope when suddenly, IT DID RAIN. the weird part there was, the rain was as hard as typhoon, yet, it only lasted for 10 minutes or so. the bewilderment didn't end just there...by ten o'clock, MY MOM WENT HOME WITH A BOX OF DOUGHNUTS. what the?! there's only one sign left - he has to call. but i guess, that won't make sense anymore...coz even if he does, it's already 2:16 in the morning. and so i decided to give him a call instead (ugh! breaking the rules again), then i found out that our telephone line was just cut off. that really stung!
the answer: what does it mean? does the absence of one sign mean i should move on and leave everything i used to have? would it hurt if God gave the last sign? if then, why did He let the other two to happen? ok. i'll try to answer my questions... well, maybe he was trying to call and really made it before 12. but look, God is so clever: He let the heavy rain pour, not to justify sign #2, but to actually withhold the "call" by cutting off the line. clear rationale eh? and the dough? He just felt filling in my empty stomach. =) God. i love You. well, i guess...i'm starting to make sense now. is this a sign of learning to move on? hope so.
-edited
thank you, bloggers... salamat...
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